oh. i just changed my blog's description.
i think it's rather lovely eh.
don't you think so?
got it from someone's blog anyway. (:

and i finally know why i like cristiano ronaldo.
it's because.....
he doesn't have leg hair! (:

woah. my body is once again, aching.
must be yesterday's training. ha.
and the horrible thing is, it's aching at the wrong place.
the muscle at my back ought to be aching, not my waist, not my shoulder.
i think, at this rate, my shoulders will be expanding horizontally.
and it can serve as a cushion for amanda's head next time.

at the rate i'm exercising and the amount of food i'm stuffin myself with.
i think i can get a toned bod soon. haha.
besides, now is the time to be in love with running. (:
since... ah. never mind. (:

i'm a social butterfly.
which explains the amount of friends i have.
which can be good or bad.
good as in, i can never be alone.
bad as in, i don't know how to cherish one.
i can't appreciate someone, for goodness sake.
ah well, not until, i lose them.

sometimes, i'll think back on what sizhao and hui ru used to tell me,
it doesn't matter how many friends you have in life,
what matters is the the number of true friends.
the ones you can fall back on, rely on whenever you encountered problems.

and yes, i got many people telling me that they'll be there for me whenever i have any problems.
but the thing is, who will be really there when it really happens.
i know amanda, xin xin, sam sam, chun hui will,
but time isn't very kind. so is distance too.
and doesn't help when we rarely meet up thesedays.
as for cong, i don't know about you.
you're too pre-occupied with your own life right now.

come to think about it,
it helps when i have friends who are not really close but yet i can relate to.
people like, yue chao, seng poh and benny. (:
i can just go online or dial their number and start telling them what's bothering me.
and i thank God for them.
i mean it's good to tell them everything since they're not that close to you,
so they have no one to kinda 'leak' out whatever i told them.
plus, i think the help is mutual.
i don't know what i'll survive and do without them.
i'll probably land up in some mental hospital with everything bottled inside.

i'm not that good either.
i get tired of things/people easily.
thus, amanda gets it.
i'm sorry dear, for the black faces i gave you, times when i ignore you.
heh. i just can't stand myself. most of the times.
and she always tells me that she'll pity my husband next time. haha.
amanda. (: sometimes, or rather all the time, i can't do without you.

at times like this, i can't help but feel inferior and upset.
and i know this isn't supposed to be me.
not me. not jiamin.
jiamin is always cheerful eh?

often i wonder, is it self-pretense.
or am i trying to cover up what i lack of.
most of the times, i delude myself.
i pretend that everything is fine when it isn't.
not that it'll make me feel better. but at least it'll benefit the people around me.
and like amanda said, i'm the only one in the gang who doesn't tell what's troubling me.
which makes her in a difficult postition.
but the thing is, i just can't open my mouth and tell.
i dunoe why. i just can't trust anyone.
okay, except maybe myself.
i'm not that sure either. heh.

talking to yue chao now.
talking to him made me realise that

i'm rather naive.

and yes, maybe, i'll find that 0.5% out.
just watch me. (:

yay.
i finally completed my template for this blog.
and i'm so so so so proud of it. (:
cristiano ronaldo is simply gorgeous, isn't he?
(yay! amanda. i found that picture to put up here le. i v li hai hor?)

anyways, thesedays were a craze.
blame it on the boredom. blame it on the hormonal imbalance.
so i started on endless thinkings.
and they made me real upset.
(not that i'm better right now.)
heh.

but i've sorted it out.
no point. not point thinking. heh.
but still, the pain is there.
*shrugs*

anyway, went for training today.
met benedict at the platform. haha.
went there together while talking cock.
was late la. so my punishment was 70 push ups. haha. cock. :P
rowed long distances today
got blisters forming on the palm le. =(
anyway, the sun that i prayed for was horrid today.
got sunburnt. rather bad. heh.
red neck. brown face. red sore arms.
in conclusion, red skin. (:

so i guess cong had a nice day sun tanning.
and me with burnt skin. heh.

ahhh. went back with the guys then.
they were heading to tampines for lunch.
so we talked cock all the way too. heh. (:
went home slept.
did my template (now tt it's finally completed.)
going out soon for dinner.
long john's. here i come. (:

anyway, i found another idol.
fernando torres. some spain soccer player.
he's as gorgeous as cristiano. (:

sigh.

jiamin hates pain,
so she tries hard not to inflict what she thinks is pain on others.

jiamin hates being sad,
so she escapes from reality.

jiamin hates liars,
and so,

why did you lie to me?

jiamin hates you.
though she loves you.
heh. =(

aaah. shall touch on yesterday and today.

yesterday, went for training.
not late. just on time. so proud of myself. (:
did lotsa stuff. went home with my muscles aching.
ha. den had to settle dinner myself.
and i got pissed with jie so i went out to eat.
sudden craving for long john's and best friend was free so we went to eat.
bedok again. saw chang yi and kana spotted by amanda's mum. heh. (:

after eating, went libray and used the book drop to return the books.
hur hur. sat at some ulu coffee shop and watched the 9'o clock show.
and best friend bought me iced milo. (: yay.
got brother a mcspicy burger from mac.
and me and best friend went on an adventure.
we walked all the way from bedok back to my house.
oh wow, we took more than an hour.
waited for him to board his bus (scare me sia. i tot no more bus liao) and headed home.
mum and dad just reached home too. perfect. (:
then i slept lah. (:

woke up early today.
went for another session of light training.
hur hur. i simply hate the running up of the stairs to the audi part.
idiotic. tsk!
was rather 'light' lah. at least better den yesterday's.
anyway, my upper abs are aching like crazy. can't even laugh nicely.
(not that my laughter is nice. whatever lah)
eeeyr, i wan muscles for the lower abs.
but exercising the lower abs is a much tougher job than the upper ones.
sheesh.
i just.. dun have the motivation to do anything lah.

went home, bathed, and since i'm in such a hurry, i bang my thumb right into a file.
and the skin just beneath the nail broke or smth. rather painful. heh. =(
now the skin there looks purplish.
oh well, that's the price to pay when you dun wanna be late.

and i wasn't late anyway. and he was there already. so was the train.
went bk. heh. i got coupons. very proud of myself. hahah. (:
and we sat at some reserved seats and i took his money to buy food.
so that i can save on mine. hahah.
and when i came back, he changed seats.
and kids were occupying the previous seats.
he looked rather disturbed. hahah.
rather sorry for choosing the place. unexpected wad.
then we moved to T2's mac anyway.
he told me he had to leave cause the girl at the opposite table was staring at him.
erm. still ignoring what he's trying to imply. haha. (:
did my chinese while he studied.
can't do much cause i was terribly exhausted.

anyway, i think i spent the whole day just staring at him studying.
and i made him teach me what he was studying.
heh. NOR,OR and NAND gate.
i learnt, just in case he forgot that during the exam and he can just send me some signal.
some telepathy and i'll send the answers back via telepathy too.
hahaha. i think i'm trash.
so i only did 1 chinese paper in 4/5 hours time. hur hur.
wad great achievement.

anyway, he didn't initiate to lend me his left hand.
urgh. no consent forms. no nothing. (haha)
but i won him in the 'scissors, paper, stone' so he had to pei me wait for my train.
and i passed him my 138 reasons. heh.
ungrateful pig. thanks oso never say.
made me feel so unappreciated.
sigh.
but seriously, i can't expect much from you, can i?

anyway, i wasn't feeling wonderful today.
and i'm glad amanda called.
we talked cocked. till i almost fell asleep.
put down the phone. slpt for an hour. woke up eat and called amanda again
since i promised. hur hur.
yah yah. tha's all i did today.
pretty slack but i like life as it is now. (:

that song, jie shou by liang jing ru, made me sad.


and i think,


you made me sad too...

ah. (: i love this com.
no faulty soundcard. with speakers. (:
but it has only two songs . haha.
just got the songs from jay. (:

finding songs for my blog now. heh.
got training in 30 mins time. (:

i was wondering how come amanda and jennifer asked me if i'm alright thesedays.
they say if got any problems must come and tell them. haha.
do i really look so bad thesedays? hmmm.
anyway, i'm more than alright. i'm perfectly fine.
silly guys. haha. (: thank you anyway. (:

anyway, i just realised that funeral at my block, was actually someone my family know.
some old neighbour of my parents had ages ago, before i was born.
then became my neighbour once again, when we moved in there.
their house was just above mine.
and he was crushed to death by a machine at work.
imainging it is very heartwrenching already.
painful sia.

which reminds me of tt suicide guy from mjr.
and what cong and me promised each other. (:
and oh cong, if you're reading this,
for no rhyme or reaon, my mum starting asking me about you (starting with the sizhao topic again)
hahaha. (:
i hope the test is alright. (:

ciao then.
training time. (:

oh yay! (:
i finally finished uploading everything. (:
ah. i'm so so so so so so tired.
shall go back to sleep after this. (:

just look at the left side of this blog for the links to the pictures i've been uploading for days. (:

anyways, i can't wait for tml to come.
airport with cong. (:
i miss the airport trips with him. heh.
and i'm writing him a very very very long message.
heh. it's draining my brainjuice really really fast.
can't show it up here.
if not, everyone will know what i wrote. sheesh.
(:

anyway yesterday was boring.
spent my time in school waiting for my turn so tt i can do my presentation.
it's fun. =) seriously. hahaha.
went for lunch with weiliang, lover and liyan.
ate long john's.
then went home, spent all my time uploading the pictures.
ah. =D

got land training later. time to jian fei
and it's mjr's open house today.
chang yi jio me go. but i rejected him for once. yay. =)
jiamin learnt to say no. (:
because he tua-ed me that day, i shall not accompany him.
cause i dun really feel like going out but i miss manjusri.
yet i'm lazy to walk. urgh. what the hell.

oh yeah, i think cong'll do well. i prayed for him. (:
and his left hand is mine. and no1 else. (:
only for me. me me me me me me. =D
it has the invisible chop which it states that fully booked by jiamin. =)
which is good. i need it sometimes.

anyway, i realised that my blog is very ugly on laptops.
i dunoe why. but it really sucks. haha.
but on pc, it's really neat. (:

ah. time to sleep.
good night people. (:

look at how mature yu ni looked. -sigh- all grown up. oh. just look at how funny amanda looked in here. hahahahahah. :P (think she's going to kill me for this. :P)

looking at how cheesy amanda look in this picture.samanaths's trying hard to hide that grin off her face with chun's head and wow. i do realised i got broad shoulders. (: (or is it supposed to be bad?)

this is my 435th post i think. (:
the blogger counters don't really update everyday. heh.

ah well, i feel like posting pictures up here all day.
i'm super bored.
maybe i should go delete and re-upload all my pictures online.
yah. that's what i'll do later. (:
super bored and hungry.
plus, a little tired.
ah wells, been lacking of sleep.
thinking about many many things that's happening around me.

shan't further elaborate on here.
pointless. (:

oh yesterday! (:
went dragonboating at kallang with the interact people.
there were vj and rj people too. and our and their mentees.
the people there were very little. ah well. :P
it was drizzling but it didn't affect much though.
did some ice breakers and a rj girl fall down and scratched her palms and knees damn badly while playing dog and bone.
and man, it really looked bad. the wounds. freaky. of cause she cried.
if i were her. i dunoe. will i cry too? hahaha. maybe.
the happy thing is i got to meet up with the vj n rj girls again. (:
oh boy, i'm happy to see them. hugs and teasings.. (:

then we got split into different groups.
tpjc one boat.
vj another.
and rj too. (:

i think his name is wiat siong or something.
dunoe how to spell la. but it's supposed to be prounced as 'y siong'
hahahaha. heckish. he's no doubt pretty good looking minus the acne.
and he's three yrs older than us i think. 2000 or 2001 batch of NJ.
used to be a canoeist. ahhuh. and he rides on motorbikes. (:
pretty charming smile he got there. hahah. better not go on and on and on.
anyway, he learnt us how to row the boat (not that i dun know how to)
and i dun really liked him at 1st. hahah.
cause he was like criticising me. heh.
was the pacer and the xiao mei mei canot pace with me wad.
tell me what am i supposed to do?

he was really funny lah.
keep talking and emphasizing on our original plan to their boats.
when we dun even have one.
he kept going 'okay. people! rem our original plan ah! sure win them one. original plan okay?'

anyway, then he rowed with me lah for the race.
and of course we lost.
the last boat.
hahaa. wasn't very proud to say that but again, we did well.
i put in 200% power. (:

rj won. (they have most of the grown ups there wad.)
and their prize is some ugly flag which bernard made. hahahah.
and oh there's another cute guy in rj too.
big eyes. (:
he offered help when i was carrying the paddles back to the place.
i was like. 'no no no! dun touch. just help me place them back one by one.' (in mandarin of course and the thing is rj pple all ang moh ang moh one. eeyer.)

(cause initally i tot he was a mentee. oh well, who noes.)
then i got a good-bye-peck-on-the-cheek by some vj girl (i can't remember her name:P)
after bathing, me and jie yin went old airport road for dinner.
ate a lot. hahaha. goodness.
and last night was the 1st time jie yin ever ate banana fritters. oh. it was my treat. hahaha.

went home, did pw.
lay on bed at 10.30pm.
slpt at 2.30am.
oh wow.
sometimes i'm amazed by myself.

oh. today's boon tong's birthday. (:
he used to be a very good friend of mine during sec 1-2.
haha. stopped contacting him when zhao doesn't like him.
but then i saw him in mp library one fine day when i was there mugging chemistry with fuei.
and then we started talking to each another too.
i still carried the stuffed toy he gave me on my 14th birthday i think, which is a long bear around. especially during chalets.
(it can serve as a nice pillow u noe.)
and i always threaten to defur it if he's ever mean to me. haha.
said i dun wanna look for him this year.
we made a pact that next yr we'll go buy each other's birthday present and meet up.
hahahaha. i don't know why.
oh. i think it's because. i dun think i wanna see him. hahah.
and that i'm so broke to buy him anything.
oh yeah, he used to freak me out (i dunoe why lah.maybe i do. just dun wanna tell. hahaha.)
that's why we lost contact. hmmm.
but charissa find him very cute. hahaha. which i dun understand why.

went school and basically did nothing today.
except for chatting with mdm twu for two long periods about school and class.
it's sad to know that you feel inferior to everyone all the time,
just because u dun look good. as in pretty or handsome. (ahhuh)
and i felt pretty guilty for neglecting and maybe i ought to be nicer to her next time.
but i got nth much to tell her and i'm afraid that she'll get the wrong message.
urgh. people. =_- i dun understand how they think or feel.

anyway, i've been thinking a lot thesedays.
i dunoe know why.

and i realised that people dun often meant what they say though they say they're speaking the truth.
when they say 'no', they meant yes.
when it's a yes, it's probably a 'no'.
it's just contradicting.
and sometimes, it's........... *sigh*

hahaha.
never mind.
dunoe how to explain.
but it's okay,
u'll get it somehow.
cause every now and then, u'll feel it for yourself. (:

and i'm having low self-esteem thesedays.
oh bother.
i hope it goes away.
i hope it's not even true.

i miss playing tennis.
i miss badminton even more.
i need to vent my frustration on the shuttlecock.
urgh.

i think i'm driving myself crazy.

ps. check out my pictures again.
i'm re-uploading them (:

this is what is left of my heart.. erm.. or rather the cake. (:

i learnt to know that people self-decieved to make themselves feel happy.
and i'm not proud of it either.
not at all.
plus, i tried hard avoidin' it.

next it comes to us being selfish.
right. it's the greed and the want of materialistic stuff that people showed their ugly side of them.
and it's human nature, i know.
but it's ugly. very ugly.
how can one be too self-centred to not care about how people feel while getting the things they want.

right after that is, being indecisive.
which i admit, i'm like forever stuck in this situation.
i can't help it. it's inborn.
it might help sometimes in a way or another.
but it's definitely a time waster.

the last one of all, isthat everyone thinks that they're right.
but the thing is, everything is just one sided.
and if we dun talk it out, it'll forever remain like this.
and in the end, we're all wrong.

hahah. i think i'm insane.
dunoe why i m typing this lot of trashy stuff.
but it doesn't matter anyway what.
i'm trash. dun expect much from me.
and someday,i think i'll know why. (:

and life doesn't make anything better for me.
yesh yesh yesh. but i'm still happy the way it is.
besides, it can't be that bad, can it?
and right now, i shall not talk about my jc life.
but digress abit and back tracked all the way to sec 3. (:

no doubt it was a lonely year for me.
not because i didn't have my friends around me.
but maybe it's because people change. they changed and so did i.
the love gradually became hatred. and being in the same class didn't help much.
why you might ask.
i'll tell you why. because of human nature.
because we tot we're right and refused to talk to one another.
because of the greed.
because of evereythign and anything.
it doesn't mean that it's okay. and i know it wasn't okay.
in the end, we parted.
but i still hope that they're happy with the things they have now.
maybe i dun make any difference to their lives, or rather anyone's lives.
maybe i deserved the tears and the scars.
maybe it isn't just maybe. it's the truth.

anyway, then i started hanging out with two cliques.
amanda's and cong's.
i must say that they really tried hard. (:
i kinda like spent the weekdays (as in school days) with amanda and the rest in school.
and weekends with cong and stuff.

and the weekdays are spent like this,
since we are the 'one week and 2 days gang'
(i'm proud to say that i'm saturday. haha.)
we took turns to make food during every recess.
and it helps when i'm the vice chair in class so i had the keys. (:
and teck chiat and the rest will play magic cards and throw the useless ones all over the classroom.
while we indulged in amanda's fried rice, samanath's potatoes, chun hui's cake, xin's bread toasts and my hot dog buns.(:
(see? i still remembered everything we ate. i'm so damn proud of myself.)
and after school, we'll moved our desks and chairs allt he way up one storey to the balcony where it's windy and romantic and stuff, to mug.
and it's got really bad one day when it started to rain like crazy. and lights weren't switched on. haha.
the rain just poured in and we got wet. and it's already 7 plus i think.
oh. wei sheng was with us back then. (:
(i wondered how is him.)
den we did transformation with yu ni teaching me and i teaching wei sheng. (:

and those days i'll be fighting and struggling with chang yi chasing me behind. (:
he will grab the vj badge on my pencilcase and hide it.
while i'll grab the 50 bucks of his and keep it.
and he'll undergo 'return-me-my-50-bucks' repetition.
besides all these, we'll go home together on the same train. (:
and he'll grab my arm and squeeze it real tight and it hurts like *toot*
so in return, i'll specially keep my nails long for him and dig/drive them hard into his hands.
in addition, those wacking we gave each other. hahaha.
then well head to the toilet to see whether whose back is red-er. haha.

and the toilet days where we'll off the toilet lights using out shoes.
just lift the feet up and flcik the switch off.
it's high. hahaha. so we'll try everyday.
and i did it man. heh.

and the toilet trips with the chair person, yun sheng. hahaha.
we'll check on the toilet and see whether there's anyone inside,
then i'll go to the guy's toilet and do my business while he waited for me.
and then we'll go to the girls toilet and he'll do wadeva he wants while i wait for him.
right after he'll go"i never go to the girls' toilet' while i said i didn't attend to the guys'.
-i know it's crap but it's the memories lah.-

and the durians trips behind our school whre we bought mangosteens and durians back to class and eat while playing poker.
tt's when xin and yu ni will avoid me and amanda like siao.

the climb over of school fences and getting caught.
hahaha. and the climbin of the air con grillings near the bball court when we're locked in the block.

and windy window beside jeremy's table.

the reply 'i'm pissed off by you' by jackson to mrs tan.
which made us go 'woah! he's my hero.'

the glass paintings i made for the classroom.

the trophy we won for chinese new year.

the sitting at geng yans' or julian's seat everytime a teacher is absent.

the dislike for julian the 1st time i saw him.

and the jie mei love between us.

and the muggings at his home the day before a maths o lvl exam.

the elation we felt when we got half the class getting A1 for chinese.

the singing of that chinese song for teacher's day.

the avoiding of certain cameras and words from the guys.

the feeling of seeing your bestest best friends everyday.

and the making fun of them during lessons.
sigh
those were the days eh? (:

and it was the weekends, whereby i'll meet cong and the rest at the macdonald near seng poh's place.
we'll go to the association just beside the wu shu huay kuan eh?
and go to the library to mug.
after which we'll land up in some bball court where i'll just sit there and watch the guys show off their talents.
which i won't deny that is good.
and every saturday i'll stick with jerry and cong during npcc. (:
then lunch with them or we'll go buy guitar strings. heh.

ha.
i really love the jay chou's song 'hui dao guo qu'.
i want to turn back time and go back to the days where it's all fun and nice.
not now not now.
definitely not now.

i miss my darlings. :(


and see xin hui, this entry is specially dedicated to you.
since u say it hurts not to see your name up here. hahaha.
sigh.
i missed those days dearly.
boo hoo.

just wrote barry and chee voon testimonials.
and that brings me back, deep into the memories.

sigh.
outward bound.
i can't, i dun know why, i just can't leave the memories aside.
i'm not like you.
i'm not like the rest.
memories kept on flooding and flowing back.

yesh, for goodness' sake, i was praying hard that i'll be paired with you.
and i were. those 5 days were bliss. (:
and the next 2 months were sweet.
and the others were disasterous.

but again, it was all not worth the heartache.
shall tuck u in nicely in some corners in the heart.

ah well, it's over.

back to the beginning.

sheesh.
for once, i must really say that i hate it when people break their promise.
and yesh, stupid chang yi pang seh-ed me today.
heh. and you know what he told me,
'aya, go and find ur own entertainment la. bye bye.'

got one word to describe him: asshole.
and only one word to describe this asshole: jerk.
heh.

it's not as if i'm dying to go out with him. =_-
but anyway, he was with eugene and terence.
so if i did go, i'll be damn sian too. haha.
ah well, it doesn't matters much now.

went to lu jun's house for pw. ha.
her dog is fat. :P
and it's dropping a lot of fur onto my tee.
it's fun though. (:
and then i'm supposed to go,like orchard and find chang yi.
but you know....... he bloody tua-ed me.

so, with my plan all spoilt and stuff, i didn't know where to go and what to do.
lucky, i'm not the only one. nicole too. (:
so we (kheng hong) went for lunch.
then i lend kheng hone my discman cause he had to go bukit batok.
and bukit batok wassn't exactly very near from bedok and he dun have any entertainment stuff with him.
and i'm terribly sorry that i changed the cd to jay chou's.
and there's only 12 songs inside. so he have to repeat the songs again and again.
but then again, it's better than nothing.
and i missed my discman already. haha.

anwyay, we strolled around the whole bedok la.
even went into the NTUC and indulged ourselves in free food sampling.
ha! (: and we saw zhenyi and his frens at bedok interchange.
oh. i can recognise his friends. some vs guys. dao sheng (from my primary school. though he duno me and i dunoe him. okay. at least i know his name.) and victor (some indo guy. with long leg hairs. i knoe. i saw. hahah. dunoe him also lah) and julian (some SJI guy who just joined db).
and guess what. zhen yi and julian ponned training today.
not that i went lah.
cause of some stupid reason.
dun ask.
i'm not telling. heh.

then we went eastpoint to look for dai jing and sarah.
walked around.
especially in pet safari . the golden retrievers are so adorable can.
and there was a really sweet couple standing there and touching the bear-like dog.
the guy was really nice to the girl and i was so into the dog that i looked as if i knew them cuz i was standing so close them.
hahaha. anyway, i remember telling sarah that i want a boyfriend like that.
hahahaah. (:

went home, bathed and slept. (:
and now i got nothing much to do.

and yah, imagine my disappointment when i realised that i wun be seeing cong at db tml.
i tot he'll be having training.
but he stopped his training le. =9
-sniff-
i miss my cong de.
and ms tay's testi didn't help.
ah. i'm so bored.
so very bored.

that is what happened... when chang yi starts to sing. (hahaha.) or rather, that's what happened when teck chiat take controls over the mike. instead of singing. he screamed and screamed and screamed, in hope of bursting the windows (but failed) instead, the cake split into half. oh well, and that's what happened when he ditched and broke my heart. -sniff- (god. why am i being such a drama-mama?)

a closer look at the cake. (anyway, i'm responsible for ruining the cake with the arrangement of the candles. sheesh) -shakes head- (:

my lemon flavoured birthday cake! baked by amanda of course. (: pretty, isn't it? of course, duh. it's MINE. for me. me. ME. M E. (haha) and it tasted as good as it looks. (:

heh. (:
haben been blogging.
shall bloggged on yesterday first.

wasn't feeling very wonderful in schoool.
ah well, it's coming. what do u expect?
so i slacked in school, without the presence of amanda (cause she's having a really bad headache)
then went home, grabbed my stuff and headed to bugis alone.
wanting to buy the next yr's planner la.
like the one cong bought for me last yr. (:
went there, looked at the price and hesitated,
hahahahah.
i dun exactly want to spend 10.20 on a planner when i can get a plain one at a much cheaper price.
hahaha. so i only bought one blue one for amanda.
den i strolled alone around bugis junction.
saw june though.

and talked cock with the china sales girl. she was very nice.
cause i was looking lah. den she pulled me to her corner,
and start telling me about her products
she went like, ' this product is really effective for blckheads, blah blah. it's really special'
so i replied, ' so i presumed it's specially expensive too.'
den she looked at the price, and it's 43 bucks for a small bottle.
hahaha. den we laughed.
and we talked about everything under the sun lah.
from school to pimples and shopping.
hahahaha. i said if i'm rich, i sure buy from her.
den she was like, 'you dun look poor wad. look at the things u are going to pay for'
and she asked me what's inside the seiyu bag.
hahha. den i went like,' oh. i got the money one. but i spent it in seiyu liao. den i showed her the stuffs i'm going to pay for. see, all these got offer leh. den if i add the total cost up, haven't even reach 30 bucks.'
hahahaha.
damn cock.

and we talked about guys.
i told her, aya, dun need to buy so expensive products one.
so beautiful for wad? someday oso will old one what.
den i toldher, just go get a rich bloke and marry can liao.
(which is every girl's dream to become a rich tai tai anyway.)
and she say if u want to get a rich guy, you must be pretty enough wad.
i was like, err.. true la. but i trust my looks. hahahaha.
den we laughed like mad.
but she agreed with me sia.
she said i'm cute. hahahahahaahaha.
see? i told u people that i'm cute and no1 believes me,
heh. hahahahaah :D

went home then.
finshed reading that chinese book on the bus.
it's reallly really nice. :D
went out to get dinner for the family then.
talked cock with the noodles uncle also.
he asked me if i'm from poly.
which is obviously not lah. cause i'm wearing the tpjc uniform at that time.
hahaha.
den he asked if my school holidays are coming up.
and am i working during the hols.
i said no la. no1 wan empoly me.
den she say, it's alright la. hols shud go dating.
hahah.
i was like, eh but uncle, no1 wans me. no1 wans to date me out also.
den he went like, AYA! WASTED. u nv tell me earlier. i date u.
hahahahahah. hilarious. =X
some uncle. =_-

cute day eh? :D
so i think, going out alone, isn't that bad afterall. =D

and shll touch on today too.
amanda and jen didn't come school.
sigh.
missed tennis and everything due to the open house thingy.
wasn't feeling very happy today because all i could think of is just sleep.
went around with jerome though.
and the stupid him pang sehed me for a bunch of girls
stupid pervert.
but i found him back though.

anyway, allow me to digress.
i must thank wilmond today. (:
i ate, i think, half his plate of western food. hahahaha. (:
was damn hungry.
he was really nice about it. =D
yay. wilmond rawks. :D

okay, back to wad i was saying.
then choir room after everything, and with jerome playing the piano, i almost doze off.
then the choir members all came, so i left.
headed home, slept like a log.
woke up and decided that i want to have mac for dinner.
hahaha. luckily best fren is willing to pei me. =D
yay. best fren rock.

met him at the bus stop.
boarded the bus and saw kingsley.
talked to him. and i kinda made him upset.
sigh. it wasn't on purpose. =(
ate my stuff and taught best fren how to fold stars from two straws.
and my fingertips still hurt now. =_-
went to look for amanda's ma and chang yi.
hahahaha. i miss chang yi and he's damn cute. (:
had my favourite kuay too. (: dunoe why i like it.
free of charge. :D
hahahhaa.

went home with best fren. (:
very thankful to tt best fren of mine :D
wasn't that wet from the rain.
hahahaha.

sheesh.
got pw to do.
but shall do it tml.
not today not today.

smile people. (:

sheesh.
horribly shagged.
low batt nia.

but still, i didn't blog about y'dae
cause blogger is lagging very badly at around midnight.

anyways,
shall told about yesterday.

it was my birthday.
my seventeen birthday. (:
woke up pretty late but managed to get a refreshing bath (:
met best friend at the bus stop. (:
and he gave me a letter and a bouquet of chupa chups lollipops. (:
and that was the first present i got for my 17th birthday. (:
and i liked it a lot.
kinda sweet (think i can kana diabetes after consuming all tt 17 lollipops.)

was very tired. haha. so didn't really talk much with him on the bus.
met jen then. she passed me the potato salad she made me for. (:
den amanda came along, with ta bao xiao bao de food.
and so did christie. and she went, 'ayo! whose birthday is it.'
hahahahaha.
that girl. i known her since sec 1 sia. =P

everything went well lah.
i passed my gp (was very proud of it anyway.), chinese and maths (unexpected)
failed chem though (don't expect it also. boo hoo.)
got present from liyen. (wad a surprise. and she was reallyy sweet to remember also.)
got presents from xiao ai and gang + weiliang.
and yesh, i love that bracelet cause it has my name on it. hahahah. (:
thanks eh? (:
got something from gabriel too. (:

just to digress, i got a eeyore from donkey/derrick and jonathan. (:
i love that eeyore. it looks so silly and it's really cuddly. (:
thanks. (: and i will nv forget tt carrot and pea song. (:
plus, i got a card frm madeline and gang too.
they're really sweet. i'm melting. god. =X

anyway, school was over for that day,
so amanda and i went mp to meet the guys.
we're late. hahha. yu ni complained like madd. haha. (:
den chaoyan, jansie, jansie's stead, fuei fong, geng yan, chang yi, yun sheng, wei tai, xin hui, sam sam, chun hui, teck chiat (plus yu ni, amanda and me)
we went kbox!
hahaha. wa damn shiok. (:
sorry for hoggin the mike though.
nv come kbox before. =_-

den they all left le,
thank god geng yan n yun sheng bought me an op tee.
den i changed out my uni and wore it den me, fuei and yu ni went the pool place to find the guys.
hahahaha.
guess who i saw when i 1st stepped in.

i saw a guy, who looked pretty familiar at the games corner.
he wasn't even facing me. back facing me.
but i could guess who is it. den BINGO.
alex. some 'cute' guy in my school lah.
just that he's not my cup of tea and
yu ni said that he looks better than the school belle school grass thingy's rep from SP.
hahahha. (:

haven't played pool since...... i can;t even remembered.
the last time i played was with desmond i think. haha.
now he oso die until where liao.
den was pretty raw.
oh yeah, that pool-in-charge asked me for my bus pass to check my age.
den i handed my card over la.
den he looked at it and said okay, den i was like, 'eh. wad are u supposed to say?'
den he looked at me blur blur sia.
den i said, 'say happy birhtday to me lah'
den he said, 'oh. happy birthday.'
hahahahaha.
(so many 'dens' i wonder which den have lions in there.)

den the pool manager came over and asked me to change out of my tpjc skirt.
luckily, i inside got wear my brother's shorts. hahaha.
den i just took out the skirt loh. (:
played with chang yi la.
he lost me twice in a roll sia.
hahahahahahha. it made me really happy. (:
he was like damn sad. i think i lowered his moral. :P

den i called ma to fetch me,
cause i dun wanna walk alone along roxy square to the katong laksa there to take bus.
it's so late liao, sure pretty isolated de. =_-
plus, there's so many cases of kidnapping now.
i damn scared. hahaha. (i think i'm paranoid. :P)
den ma agreed. (:

sent a very bhb sms to my ka kia no. 1, adrian though.
on the way home. hahaha. telling him tt i give him a once a yr chance to wish me happy birthday.
then i think i said something really. errrr.... (you know) to him den he nv reply liao.
anyway, i realised why today.
i felt sorry for him. though i shouldn't.
ah well. poor guy.
oh shit. i digressed again. =_-

anyway, i'm really really happy yesterday.
because clara and shiyu remembered my birthday.
and amanda baked a heart shaped cheese cake for me and a lot of cream puffs. (:
hock chuan is buying me a movie ticket. :D
and chang yi can sing!

that shocked me was the present my clique gave me though.
it's rather costly.
and i actually wanna share half with my parents
den they reject me oso. =_-

and i pang sehed my family for dinner.
really sorry.
but they nv tell me. i wasn't prepared and stuff. but we made it up today. (:
jie bought me earrings.
pretty ones.
thanks eh? (:

amanda bought me necklace and a pair of earrings too.
and she made sure they're sparking ones. (:
seeeee? i love amanda! (: and she loves me very much too.
fuei, chao yan and jansie bought me a star shaped necklace tooo. (:
love it. (:

ah. yesterday was simply nice. (:
yummy. :)


today.
was in a pretty bad mood.
and it made me realise one more thing about me.
i hate physical touches whenever i'm in a bad mood.
amanda was like patting me, den i felt really pissed and irritated when she touches me.
hahahaa. silly me.
anyway, i failed biology.
and realising why adrian didn't reply me was sad.
sigh.
results results.
is that all that matters..?

went for dragonboat training after so long.
ran for a short distance but was reall weak after that.
my right leg can't help but shake after running up the staircase twice.
it shivers like mad. and my stomach ached. =_-
relearnt strokes. it's exhausting i tell you,
and it doesn;t help much when mr ong come to me and say,
'eh. looking at which guy?' when i was looking at the guys talking. haha.
i never wear my specs lah. how i see?
i'm blind without specs. =P

anyway, xin xin's letter made me. sigh...i dunoe how to describe.
but it brings me back to reality.
i'm sorry that this have to happen but thanks dearie. (:
and sam's pass-it-on bookmark! hahaha.

god. i simply LOVE every single one of you. (:

sheesh.
*shakes head*

this is the first movie
which made my tears rolled.


pearl habour. (:
the first tear rolled down last night when ben affleck was supposedly dead.
the rest just drip and drip down when josh hartnett was dying and died.

aaah.
why did the tears flow out..?
1. cause it's the handsome hunky guys who are dying.

aaah. answer number one is possible,
but i think .....

i must have grown old.

anyway, i dunoe why.
hearing from cong made me really happy. (:
i dunoe why.
he always made me happy. (:

oh yes.
i think i need a break from everything that is real.
heh.
throw in some unreal stuff too. (:
too much to think recently.
haven't been myself.
aaaaaah. spastic. totally.

need to go on some self-reflecting/healing route.
(look. i don't even know what i'm blabbering on and on about.)
but anyway, it's my blog. i type wadeva i want , isn't it?
so fingers, type on! (:

urgh.
today is a fairly uninteresting day to start with.
woke up damn early and headed school,
only to spend like 45 mins waiting for amanda and jen jen.
it turns out that jen jen is already in school, doing pw.
and she only told amanda about me. not me.
yes, not me. not jiamin. so what does it imply then?
think for yourselves. i'm not elaborating. it simply hurts. inside.
so i waited for amanda. and she was like asking me why was i so early.
urgh.

oh bother. like anyone of you people cares.
well, went for the exam in sleepy mode.
finished the apper within 45 mins.
pretty proud of myself.
didn't really know how to calculate the concentration of HCl then.
no point regretting seriously. it's over.
besides, the good thing is i don't even get how know how bad/good i scored.
the thing is, it's probably even worse than bad.
hell.

did pw with lujun after the paper.
went home, watched the 'spy game'
some CIA movie starring brad pitt.
yeah, he still looks gorgeous to me.
till half way the dvd player decided to break down so i turned to blogging.
and i have to help fuei fong do her blog later. (:
den it's back to the dvds.
of course, the dvd player didn't failed me this time round. (:

ah well, looking above and stuff,
it really seems like the days are really ... err... insipid as i grow older.
and sometimes, people delude themselves.
but i wouldn't do that to myself.

yes, jiamin. life is that boring.

anyways, benny is nice to ask me out for a run today.
but due to the bad condition of my ankle, i shall reject him for once.
hahahahahahahahahahahahhaah.
besides, only this way, it'll make him realise my importance eh? (:
oh sista, thank God you know me. (:

and, happy seventeen tml jiamin.

seriously, i hope i will be that happy.
heh.
but again,




who knows?

what makes a man, a man?
is it his superficial appearance.
or that character deep down inside.

tell me.


ah. spent the whole morning watching yet another dvd.
watched 'seabiscuit' last night before sleeping.
pretty motivating and it made me realised that horses are cute. (:
oh yesh, horses are cute.
but seriously, tell me what's not cute.
oh. okay. hippotamus and crocodiles. maybe snakes.
and to amanda, cockroaches are the ugliest thing on earth.
ha.

oh. saw 'the core' this morning. while eating my breakfast. (:
i thought it was pretty boring but it turned out different.
pretty scientific. electromagnetic thingy. physics.
rather cool. (: it reminds me of the days i hold that pretty pink physic tys.
yah. i love my physics tys book. dun ask me why. i just love it.
though i never and never will finish attempting it.
bleah.

haha. brother is sitting here, reading every word that i'm typing.
hahha. so be it then. i just take my time typing.
since i'm talking to seng poh and i missed that guy very much too,
i shall type on. (:
he and cong made me happy. (: yay.

i was like telling amanda that night,
how sad i would be if cong forgets about my birthday.
heh.
now he and seng poh told me that they actually remembered.
hahahhhaa. i felt.. erm.. blessed. i think. (:

what's more?
i think i have to study chemistry later.
sigh. got the skill a spa chem exam tml.
i mean it's normal to have chem spa skill a loh.
cause sooner and later will get de.
but it's irritating to know that tml is the marking day loh.
urgh. and i have to go school for the 1.5 hr chem exam.
totally turn-off sia.

and i'm the last person of the row. hahaha.
hopefully i dun freeae to death.
yet i hope that there'll be air con tml. (:

sigh. it's goin to be just another day.
and i felt like eating the hershey pie from BK.
aaaah. =_-

shan't think so much.
think it's back to the dvds again. (:

my rabbits. cute eh? (: fluffy bob and white twinkle. (they are actually brothers. hahahha. weird combination :P)

*shakes head*

today ain't exactly a good day.
or maybe it is lah.
just that i'm expecting too much.
sheesh. i must have grown up.

oh. so i did met up with benny yesterday. haha.
i was errr.. 1 hr late? was i? :P
he said he was used to it.
ah well then, so be it. (:

spent 1/2 the day stoning in library.
had headache but saw benny reading so happily.
bleah. so i flipped the magazines.
benny came over to sit beside me and he said the magazines are trash.
but personally, i think he's the trash. =X
hahahah.

den we settled for some 80 cents jan choc pancakes.
he had two, so did i. (:
his treat. (:

headed to the bus stop for 969. haha.
and i saw rachel and the rest of the 04s03 girls.
saw hi den boarded my bus liao.
it was those 'asia-longest bus'
the kind whereby two bus are connected together.
aya, hard to explain, if u canot imagine den go tampines interchange and wait for one to come lah.
sia la, but my friends canot be so ulu one right?
(except for benny. he's pardoned. hahaha)

errrr... went amanda house with the stupid constant headache la.
can't get to sleep too.
so we just lay on bed and watched tv till it's dinner time.
and i ate a lot. (:
i'm fat. (:

ahhhh. watched vcds, didn;t get to eat the snacks cause i'm already so bloated. :P
watched 'hellboy' and 'king arthur'.
ha. two crappy shows. heh.
bathed den talked cock with amanda and finally slept. (:

woke up at 8 and amanda was still sleeping.
den i lay here n there loh.
until there's breakfast!
wa lau. damn nice. (:
we had crumbled eggs, ham wrapped bread and milk
(not that i drank plain fresh milk anyway.)

so i managed to dung a lil' down my throat and i passed it to amanda.
who saved my day. :D

bathed den went out loh.
was 1/2 hr late. ahaha. poor jen jen. :P
went escape theme park loh.
played a little though.
poor jen jen puked and amanda was on the verge of crying.
humm....
den went home loh.

ha. on the way home,
i sprained my right ankle.
ouch.
it hurts like crazy.
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

conclusion for the day:
sprained ankles suck big time.
boo hoo.

me and my darlings at bugis mrt station. (: wheeee. =D

hahahahahahaha. (:

tell you what.
i'm going to be soooo late
am supposed to meet benny at 10 near the station control.
and it's 9.44am now

i'm still wearing my home clothes
and i haben packed my bag.
and i seriously think that i'm going to be soooooo super late. (:
but come to think about it,
benny is forever waiting for me so he is used to it eh? (:

am supposed to go running with him too.
but being a lazy bum and with such glaring sun in the morning/noon,
i opposed to it so we ain't goin to run.
yay. (: but i think i'll if it's schdueled in the evening or something :P

ermm.. so i'm going to amanda's house for 1 or two days. (:
can't stand it at home. household chores just stink.
boooo. and because of that and the stayover,
i would get any allowance next week (at least that's wad my mum promised me.)

oh well, a week without money.
a week filled with Kbox plans. ha.
tell me how am i going to survive. :P
but it's okay. (:
i kinda just remembered our class's slogan:
we'll never die cause we'll survive.
(i used to think that this sentence is bull and full of rubbish, because if you're not dead, you're alive and being alive means that u're still survivng. so to me it doesn't really make a difference or any sense to me until.............it is printed on the class teee. and it shut me up. boo hoo.)

hahahaah.
i'm kinda hyped. (:
pooor benny.
shall sms him now to tell him to go ahead first, i'll look for him later (:

woah. i'm looking at the miracles of a web cam.
it seems like louisa's web cam is niceee. hahahaha.
hmmmmmmmm.. but again, i have no use for it. :P

hahahaahahhahaahahahahahaha.
sheesh.
benny says he doesn;t know where the library is.
gosh. i must bring this guy out occasionally or else,
he'll be more or less like a mountain tortise.
toot sia! tsk tsk.
*shakes head*

but still, i shall take my time.
wa, think later can go amanda's hosue chiong vcd, i'm damn happy.
yay! and i think by going her house, i'll dangering my size.
hahahahaa. look at the foodstuff in her house.
can fight with NTUC sia *envy envy*

ohhhh....... i think it's time to restart my brain system.
it's time to work. (:

was reading 'a walk to remember' yesterday.
and i realised, i got the last part all wrong.
the girl didn;t die. i thought she did.
wad a happy ending but kinda fake.
it'll be more drama if she dies.
(cause it's just another story)
and and....... reading it, reminds me of cong.
boo hoo.
i miss him a lot a lot alot ALOT.
this kinda used to be our story. hahahahah.
cause everyday we'll associated with it.

and i wonder if he's still praying for me every night.
sigh. (i know he's not.)

what can i do to do you love me?
what can i do to make you care?

aaaaah.
didn't go online yesterday.
sacrificed it in order to let brother play his MU.
hahaha.

shall talked about yesterday.
was pretty unlucky then.
hahahahaha.

cause i was so deprived of sleep
(drank coffee and couldn't get to slp so i mugged bio the whole nite. okay la. slpt for an hr.)
and it was time to go, so i took my keys and intended to unlock the door.
but hell, i found myself pointing the key to the light switch.
hahahaha. den i opened the door then locked it.
then i realised i locked my wallet at home.
and i didn't have any keys with me and only grandmama was at home, sleeping.
i shouted like mad, but ah ma is partially deaf lah,
and in the end, my neighbour came over n asked me wad happened.
zzzzzz.
she lend me ten bucks and her ez-link lah.
thank goodness.

then when for exam lah.
didn't have any identification with me.
and i got 'TSK!' by the teacher who marked my attendance.
and when the paper started, i flipped over only to read a question which has no link.
i was like ??!?!?!! den i realised that paper i was holding to, didn't print page one.
super crap.
den i raised my hand like for so long then the teacher realised. =_-

the paper was fine really and i'm glad that i can't get to sleep.
cause i managed to flip through the chapters which came out. :P

went home then with jen jen and amanda.
den out with them and brother, wanting to go escape theme park la.
reached liao den realised that it only opens on weekends.
hahaha. so we're going there this sat, i think. (:

jen jen was feeling sick and brother is already sianed.
so he went home den jen jen went to see the doc.
amanda and me then went bugis window shop and we met up with chun.
then we went suntec together.
walked like crazy and my knees and soles ached like crazzzzzy.

reached home, ate and wanted to sleep.
but everytime i tried and sleep,
the terms 'oxidation phosphorylation' will just popped out and
the reactions of respiration will come along..
urghhhh.
but then managed to fall asleep. (:

and now i'm tired and stuff.
dunoe want to go out with chun and amanda or not.
maybe later ask ma if i can stay over at amanda's house. (:
go out sian, stay at home oso sian.
urghhhh.

what's wrong with me?

aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

i seriously think i've screwed up today's papers.
though i must say i'm very proud of my chem mcw.
but maths was a horror!
urghhh.
the paper is moderate but i just can't do.
wasn't in that maths mood you see.
urgh..

chem was tuff.
very tuff.
duoe how to do a lot.
the stupid organic chem also.
i mugged sooo hard for it n yet when i seethe qns.
I DUNOE HOW TO DO AH!
nice right??

tml bio ah. 10 chaps.
i'm still stucked at the third one.
planned to slp at 2.30am tonight.
but i think cannot make it ah.
urgh.

i hate respiration chapter.
bloody hell.
boo hoo.

anywya. tml's my last day for the promos.
me aiming for pass in bio.
hahahaha. 45 is enough.
and i dun believe i can get 1/2 the paper wrong.
heh.
so i shall pass. (:

shall go back to mug....
i'm a chiongster today. (:
so damn proud of myself. (:

boo hoo.
my dreaded day is coming.
urgghhhhhhhh.
i finished wad i think is necessary.

so there,
pray hard for me.
need the luck very very very bad.
it'll be my first time passing chem n 2nd time passing maths.

and i can't imagine wad will happen after the papers.
i dunoe how am i going to cope with the bio cramming.
aaaaah.
i haben start biology.
sheesh.

god bless me many many many.

sigh.
i don't really know how to describe today.
in the midst of it anyway.

okay. i just browsed through the forum in tpjc.net
and i realised that physics isn't as easy as we thought.
heh. lucky me.
3As.
yet i can't even pass any of them.
sigh.

but it's okay. (:
i got myself another chance to prove that i'm not stupid.
and i kinda like finished my chemistry and maths topics.
just lack of the mole concept thingy and integration. :P

and i just saw the schedule which we have to follow on 19 oct.
the schduele for checking and returning our scripts.
it made me freaked out.
urghhh. don wan. =(

can't believe i'm panicking now.
urgh. of all times.
i am soooooo NOT prepared.

scared. scared. scared.

but then, what's the point.
i shall face it tml.
heh.

i don't even feel like studying today.
god save me.
boo hoo.

woots.
spent today nicely.
finished my chemistry topics.
(after 3 days of telling myself that i'll complete it)

am seriously physically and mentally burnt out.
urghhhh. three more days.
days more threee.
three days more.
i shall bear with it.

and i'm glad jen jen is happy again.
i was so worried over everything.
good then
i got one thing lesser off my burden. (:
thank god for it.

ahhuh.
now i'm worried for maths.
and biology.
stupid me is still procrastinating,
i can't force myself to read bio.
i think i'll fail it rather badly.
heh. god save me.
maths is another thing too.
i dun wanna fail it when i noe i can pass it.
i hope it's not too late for everything.
at least i got one more day to salvage the situation.
thank god again. (:

went amanda's house via bus 168 today,
yay. i'm so in love with buses nowadays.
i like the comforty feeling of sinking into the cushion seats and
leaning my head on the vibrating glass window. (:
the journey wasn't that long but it was super duper ultimate nice.
cause there weren't much traffic lights so the speed of the bus was relatively fast.
super yay. (:

but was an hour late.
haha. i did chem tys mcws on the way.
dropped my eraser on the bus, the kind uncle beside me helped me picked it up.
yay.
today is a nicee day, isn't it?

ate a lot at amanda's house.
i finshed three packets of just tea. (:
finished her tom yam cup noodles.
finished her choc cookies.
yum yum. super nice. (:
we spent 1/2 hour on the bed, trying to get some sleep.
haha. but in the end, we started talking about everything and anything.

den watched tv. the yi-tian-tu-long-ji.
haben watch finish must go off liao. boo hoo.
so i missed the ending. i wondered wad happened. heh.
went chanji there to eat.
ate a lot.
till i felt like vomitting.

that place brings back memories too.
heh.
npcc atc camps.
i missed the people i noe in npcc frm mjr and other schools.
i miss them. very much.
and stupid adrian have to tease me yesterday.
and hock still owe me movie tic. (: yay.
which reminds that edris was the best camper that time. hahaha.
funnnny.
and boon tong too.
i wondered how is he doing.
and and.. the other macpherson guy. i forgot his name. hahahahaha.
but i noe me, boon, zhao and him used to hang out together during sec 2 atc.
after which i hung around adrian during sec 3.
heh. (:
i still remember hock chuan very much. hahahahaha.
dunoe why.
he's my goodest good guardian angel. :D
he rocks.

oh! we went to pray just now.
it happened to be the confucious' brithday today.
so we went to the temple and prayed.
sorry if i offend the gods by crapping a lot.
wasn;t on purpose.
and what i prayed was sincere. dun doubt me can? (:
please please please, may wad i pray come true. (:

after best friend told me he had been readin my previous posts,
i decided to read it myself.
hahahhaa.
i thought i sound rather.. err.. childish.
and..... it reminded me of my happiest and sadest days in secondary sch.
about feeling relieved when i got amanda's and gang's support.
about feeling really depressed when i broke up with my supposedly bestestestest fren.
about feeling proud when i successfully climbed over the fences and the air con grills of the sch.
and rubgy was the best sport that time. (:
but again........ it's over.

i think i better go offline and mug.
no time no time.
and i wasn't serious when i said i want to retain with adrian.
nonononononnonononon.

god bless me many many. (:

oh yah!

signing off,
elephant wrinkled backside with no hole. (yay sista! =D)

when you are close to tears,
remember,
someday it will all be over.
and one day, we gonna so highhhhhhh.

-back to chemistry- (:

aaah.
splendid. (:

it's a rather nice day today eh?
at least i think so.
but my brain wants to sleep.
still my heart forbids me.
it's telling me that: jiamin! you haven't got much time to waste. study study study.

and most of the times, the heart is right.
so i shall listen to it again. (:
(since it always working when i'm alive, i ought to give it some credit.)

and again,
i got a lot to do today.
i'm targetting for the completion of my chemistry syllabus and
i shall learn how to integrate.
heh.
i can do it man.

as for the people who kept thinking and telling people that u are going to retain,
keep it that way and you are really going to retain.
heh.
for i, shall NOT.

nil.sine.labore.
jay (twix partner!) i believe in you for these words ah. (:

i shall not think so much today.
chemistry. chemistry. chemistry.
i am so going to pass chemistry this time round.
heh.
watch me.

signing off,
no hole.

jay jay just consoled me:
friendships are the only ships that won't sink.


ah well.
i hope so.

i felt so tight inside.
i wish i could burst into tears.
heh.

i'm finding my way back to sanity again.
though i don't really know what i'm going to do when i get there.
and take a breath and hold on tight.
spin around one more time and gracefully fall back to the arms of grace.

sigh.
i'm loving this song to bits.
for some reasons, which i don'teven know myself.
heh.
maybe it's the rhythm, maybe it's the beats.
but i think it is the lyrics.

sigh.
i'm really very confused deep down inside.
people are soo weird.
and since jiamin is a rather insensitive person,
she dun really know what people think/feel deep down inside unless the person tells her.
urgh.

sometimes i just hate myself.

today.
had my gp promo exam.
wrote on the assess the strengths and weakness of singaporean youth.
suddenly then i realised that my english actually improved.
hahaha.
if u were to ask me to write about this in 800 words,
i'll grumble and whine and not do it cause it's rather impossible.
heh.
i used to like to plot and write crappy stories. (:
now that it's not a matter of choice, i wrote 2 and a half pages.
yay.
the day wasn't very pleasant for i had tummyaches before the exams and after the exams.
heh.

i think i was really focused on the paper that's why i didn't feel pain,
during the past 1.5 hours.
but once i stopped writing, i wanted to go to the toilet badly.
urghhhhh.
and i was rejected AGAIN by a teacher.
urgh.

the nicest thing today was that it was xin hui's birthday.
glad to have a nice reason to escape from the books. (:
amanda came over and we slept. (:
met up with the people, geng yan, wei tai and yun sheng came.
yay. then came jansie, her bf and fuei. :P
ate in some thai restaurant along the streets of bugis.
crapped a lot and took hell lotsa pics.
went home. (:
was happy till i came online.

then it hit me that it's a friday.
i'm not supposed to be slacking.
i'm not supposed to be online.
and that i'm supposed to be happy.
but i am not.

felt so terrible inside.
so much things cooped inside.
but no1 to tell.
heh.
it seems like no1 understands.
and yah, it sucks even more to read something.

reading it, really hurts.
i felt so lousy.
so lousy as a friend.
i'm so sorry if i neglected her.
and i'm sorry if she felt left out.
it's not the way i want things to be.
and it's not what it will be.
i don't really know what to do.
i can't handle and manage relationships well.
please, please forgive me.

and i can't help but think,
why am i always in relationships that are so superficial.
so unstable.
i thought we were the best of friends.
i thought we are sisters.
i thought they meant everything to me just like i meant everything to them.
but the truth always reflects the opposite.
i always have friendships break-ups withfriends who meant the world to me.
i dunoe why.
maybe i really suck that much.
i'm not worthy for a friend.
and maybe that's why i don't believe in forever and many other types of relationships.
and that's why i refuse to be in one.

face it, jiamin.
u can't even handle friendships.
not even frienships.

urghh.
and the next thing is the promos.
i know people kept saying that they will retain no matter how well-prepared they are.
another side of human nature.

but i'm rather sick of people asking me if i completed mugging for anything
or asking me anything about the promos.
and i had enough of hearing people saying that they will retain.
i'm tired of listening and listening and listening.
i got a mouth too.
why can't you just bloody shut up and let me whine.
why must i listen to you all the time.

and why can't you people understand what you are not going to retain cause you people are clever.
why must you keep rubbing in and show me how stupid i am.
and how slacky and slow i am, in mugging.

i'm so sick of everything.
and i'm so freaking scared that i'm going to retain cause i haven't been studyin hard enough.
and that i know nuts about bio, chem and maths.
don;t bullshit and tell me that you know i'm not going to get retained.
because you are simply NOT me.
you dun know what i know and what i do not.
DON'T JUST ALWAYS BLOODY ASSUME.

don't bother telling me that if i retain, you'll pei me retain too.
it seems like what the whole world is telling me.
it's another RUBBISh lah.
like if i retain, u really will retain with me lidat.
like if u don't get to retain, you can force the sch to let u retain lidat.

i dun know
but i don't think i ought to be thinking of retaining now.
confidence, jiamin, confidence.

i think i'm totally screwed.
urgh.

hell.

"Women are like apples on a tree.
The best ones are at the top of the tree.
Most men don't want to reach for the good ones
because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt.

Instead, they go for the rotten ones that fall to the ground which aren't as good,
but easier to get...

So the apples at the top think something is wrong with them,
when in reality, they're the best ones on the tree.
They just have to wait for the right man to come along,
one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree."

yeah baby, that's the pride.
hahahahha.
cool isn't it? ;)

urgh.
bad + good day.

shall elaborate on the bad.
okay.
mr toh said to the whole class that i am irresponsible.
okay, maybe it wasn't the whole class cause half of the class isn't there.
luckily i wasn't there.
urgh.

but he was talking about me.
ME.
JIAMIN.
urgh.

he actually said i was irresponsible when i actually just returned the paper later den expected.
okay.
so the nice me is wrong.
i suck, don't i?

and i actually regretted volunteering to help the class fotocopy.
i don't understand why we need a bio rep when mr toh, the bio cher, makes me run errands for bio.
urgh.
might as well i take two positions and be the clas rep + bio rep la.
shit lah.
urgh.
why am i always doing the shit job and getting scolding.

URGh.
totally turned off.
watching 'what lies beneath' now.
it's freaking me out.

bing yao tried to straggle me today.
clever me prevent death by tickling. (:

and and.. amanda bought me twix.
yay. (:
shared though.
jerome gave me kit-kat which i passed on to best friend.

my best friend rulez cause he helped me do my personal evaluation.
two of them.
and now i'm stuck witht he other two.
dunoe how to write cause he wrote rather nicely for the two.
urghhhh. it's killing me.
pw. =(

boo hoo.

shall go pray for people.
and i must not make empty promises.
that's why i'm praying.
whee. :D

ohya, wasted my whole fucking day on pw.
screw pw.
screw.
hell. =(

this ish my 408th blog entry. (:
yay.
it's early. or rather it's late.
i'm soooo bloody late for school.
ahh. it's 11.45am. and i'm still stucked at home.
luckily i already have my uniform on. (:

i only need to reach school at like for... er... 12.45pm.
yay. plus, amanda's buying me nasi lemak for lunch.
what a pleasant day. (:
whee.

but come to think about it,
it's not.
i got tons and hills of work undone.
then, in came strolling was projectwork.
ahhhhhhhhhhhhh. noooooo.

so now, my priorities need to be set.
i shall,
1. complete all my pw summary, annotations, evaluation (with help from frens of course)
2. finish my organic chem notes.
3. finish mugging the simple lil' topic of maths and bio.
4. then i shall master my bigg chaps for maths, trigo, diff and int. (:
5. then i shall learn my lil chem topics.
6. then my big topics of bio (which is A LOT.)
7. then revision.

sounds nice, isn't it?
is nice, but totally not workable.
i lack of the time.
i mean.. urgh.
wth.

but it's okay.
i'm jiamin.
lin jiamin.

jiamin can handle everything, can't she?
jiamin is superwoman.
jiamin is strong.
jiamin is clever.
jiamin is intelligent.
jiamin know how to manage her time well.

jiamin must be dreaming.

aaah.
terrible exhausted.
my engine isn't functioning as well as before.
but i shall got a lot of pw evaluation undone.
like.. 16 of them.

8 summaries, 16 comments.
and hell, that was ages ago when i last read them.
yeah, so i have to reread.
shitty job, i tell you.

today is crap. was crap.
absolute horrid, in jerome's words.
besides all that,
it's nice to drink bland lemon juice.
i think i'm quite addicted to it.
luckily i got lemons at home, shall try tmrw. (:

plus, bing yao got a really cute hair cut. haha.
i can't help it but rub my hands over and over and over again against the prickly tiny weeny hair which stands like thin sleek needles. haha.
it feels good.
it's as if i got a dog. haha. :P
and he kept bullying me. boo hoo.
i think i shouldn't complain, he is even worse to jen jen. :P

library hours was boring today.
i sinned.
i slpt. and ate choc waffle.
ahhhh. fattening.
and now, i'm all hungry and stuff.

and i'm skipping school tomorrow.
not that i'm not going.
just that i'm reaching school after lessons.
haha. so i can optimize my time. (:
sleep well. do well. study well. score well.
me and my cock theory.
believe it o not.

oh.
come to think about it,
today is a happy happy day.
since, there is no reason to be sad eh? ;)

aah.
bored bored.
blame it on amanda.
i'm still online. (:

getting a bit sleepy now.
but for my goood good good good fren,
i still bear with it.

and if i appear in school with a long black face tmrw.
dun bother asking me why.

i lack of sleep.

and i'm worried.
about friendships.
i wondered what happened to her.
and what will happen to us.
boo hoo.

this is so depressing.

and benny aka. asshole,
your crap foolscape is stuck with me.
it's taking up my cupboard space. hahahaa. :P

signing off,
no hole. (:

rain rain go away.
please come back another day.

it's raining cats and dogs outisde now.
and the thing is, i realised, i haben been describing the rain pour as cats and dogs for ages.
which means that descriptive essays are.. outta sight somehow.
and raining is cool,
except that it always makes me sleepy.

urgh.
been snoozing the whole day.
shall mug harder after this. (:

just read vanez's blog which she wrote about friendship ring.
i used to have one with zhao too.
we bought it in toa payoh.
some cheapo silver ring which i really like a lot.
i wondered what happened to zhao's.
since we are not really not very good terms with each other anymore.
and i shall not even talk about mine. =X

well well,
i don't really know what i'm doing thesedays.
maybe i shouldn't even think that much.

ah well,
shall just....
be,
like
that. (:

faces after pigging out at pizza hut which cheated our money! urgh. :P 

just helped ma do her make-up.
she n dad went off for some wedding dinner.

while doing make-up for her,
i realised, i never ever looked clearly at my mother.
she looked so different to me.
at least for today.

maybe i'm just another lousy child of hers.
maybe i'm just too selfish to care.

sigh.
what rubbish.

woke up early today.
for that spasticatic benny.
and he taught me maths.

he bought me a really dirrty and horrid lollipop.
heh.

and i did maths today! (:
gave chiaw tzee free breakfast too. (:
yay.

isn't that what all matters?

aaah.
so tired.

now i learnt my words well.
best friend told me that thou = you.
sanjay told me that thy = your
and i found out that thee = i.

haha. okays. not much of my fault.
i dun take lit. :P

ah!
i'm so going watch pearl habour!
it's on tv. 17 n 18 i think.
wheeeeee! right after the promos.
i'm going to watch it and no1 is going to stop me.
ben affleck and josh harnett are sooooooo beautiful. (:
that gurl also damn chio lah.
but girls aren't my cup of tea. :P

erm.
today is a good day.
had dinner at aljunied.
had both fried n soup prawn mee.
yay.

played tennis.
mrs koh taught us how to serve.
and i must say that even serving the ball is tuff.
but to an expert like me, is no kick lah. :P
i taught my tennis well.
hahahaha.
i focus really deep when i was practising my tennis, i think.
so after tennis and all the sweat, i felt rather tired. haha.
thus, i had my tian mi mi (aka. coffee) from the canteen.
yah. it's nice. (:
with added condensed milk and stuff. (:

but stil, i almost snozzed in chem tut. haha.
and mr tan really helped to prevent me from zzz,
by entertaining. haha.
he was like telling us how to cook nicely.
hahaha. with chemistry knowledge. blah blah blah.
and the day passed well. (:
yay.

library hours was slacky.
now i realised i can't study with anyone, but myself.
and i think that made amanda n jen jen pretty upset everytime i say i wan to sit alone.
they were like telling, then wad's the pt of staying and muggin together.
sigh.
my 1st sign of peer pressure. :P
hahaha. sheesh.

and yesterday was really nice.
till night. ha.
don't remind me. (: