Hearts go astray
Leaving hurt when they go

You went away just when I needed you so
Finding your way
You come back on to me

I'm gonna stay loving you endlessly

Open up your eyes
Then you realize
Here I stand with my
Everlasting love

Need you by my side
There's no need to hide
Never be denied
Everlasting love

From the very start
Open up your heart
Be a lasting part ofEverlasting love
You are my everlasting
You are my everlasting love

Look in my eyes
See my love burning strong
No more goodbyes
In your arms I belong
Our time has come
All my dreams have come true

Two hearts as oneLoving me loving you.
Open up your eyes
Then you realize
Here I stand with myEverlasting love
Need you by my side
There's no need to hide
Never be denied
Everlasting love

From the very start
Open up your heart
Be a lasting part of

Everlasting love

okays, now, who wants me stand with me with my everlasting love..?

HAHAHHAHA.

okay, not funny.

=____________________________________________-

okay, it's going to be new year.
a brand new start.

so i supposed, i will cease blogging soon.
due to my oh-so-hectic lifestyle,
which i'm struggling to juggle.
heh.

it's okay, i will survive.
i know i will. (:

when i say cease, i don't really mean cease.
as in, i will occasionally drop in a post or two.
not everyday.
definitely, not daily.

no time, no time!
*screames*

anyway, i'll be heading to amanda's house later. (:
staying at her place for two days.
wheee. (:
it spells fun.


and oh, i love cong!
hahahaha.
when i ask him for his budget to buying my planner,
(i think i go buy myself lah. wait for him, i can die man.)
he said,


=] says:
no budget

=] says:
u like wad u buy wad. dun nid care abt the price

=] says:
its ok de

i wondered if i really go buy a 60 dollars planner myself,
and ask him for the money,
i don't think he'll shun me, like forever.

don't think i don't know.
all guys are like that.
i mean, ALL.

okay, i might be stereotyping,
but i don't give a damn.

this is my blog,
i say whatever i want.
HEH.

period.

woots! (:

watched the kung fu hustle. (:
not too bad.
laughed quite a lot.
but i prefer his previous, other shows. (:
never mind.
it's worth my $6.50. (:

what's better than watching a comedy with your loved ones?
(plus, i didn't think about the toilet this time. not even once!)

erm, what else?
i saw a lot of people!
i saw xue ping with her beloved (though she didn't see me) when i was rushing to the cinema,
saw yin jie when i was strolling here and there,
saw benedict and tong pui in the shop,
saw benny at the platform and he looked rather deep in his thoughts till he didn't really respond when i smack him on his back.

yeah.
walk with benedict to his place,
then we walked back.
hahaha.

and i really felt loved, loved, loved.
wei siong sent me the lee hom song when he learnt that i want it so badly.
and jay, he changed the song's music video to mp3 format for me.

i love my friends! (:

i'm a member of mtvasia!

hahaha. i'm so proud! (:

will be seeing my girlies later,
and we get to watch kung fu hustle togther. (:
wheee.
sounds heavenly enough. (:
going to share the twix(x) which best friend bought for me, with them (:

i love twix,
they must love twix too! (:

i want that song...

'xin zhong de ri yue' by wang li hong.
heh.

i want his album. :(
hurmpf.

so sick.
i hate it when i'm penniless.

click: xin zhong de ri yue lyrics. (:



must click! : the music video of the song. (:

I won't talk
I won't breathe
I won't move till you finally see
That you belong with me

You might think
I don't look
But deep inside in the corner of my mind
I'm attached to you

I'm weak
It's true
Cause I'm afraid to know the answer
Do you want me too?

Cause my heart keeps falling faster
I've waited all my life
To cross this line
To the only thing that's true

So I will not hide
It's time to try anything to be with you
All my life I've waited

This is true

You don't know
What you do
Everytime you walk into the room
I'm afraid to move

i'm weak
It's true
I'm just scared to know the ending
Do you see me too?
Do you even know you met me?

I've waited all my life
To cross this line
To the only thing that's true

So I will not hide
It's time to try, anything to be with you

All my life I've waited
This is trueI know when I go
I'll be on my way to you
The way that's true

I've waited all my life
To cross this line
To the only thing thats true
So I will not hide
It's time to try, anything to be with you
All my life I've waited

This is true

sometimes, i regret.
for the things i did to you.
for the things i said to you.

i know i can't help,
losing my temper.
and be pissed with you.

it sucks to love and hate you so so much at the same time.
i hope this feeling goes away.
soon.

you never fail to break my heart and make me upset for minor stuff.
why...

maybe it's just me.
but you never think back and reflect on yourself, didn't you?

how i wish i haven't cared about you.
how i wish you.........

and hell, why am i typing all this.

damn.
go to bed, jiamin.

04s04! our timetable for next year! (no wonder they say friday is the awaited day for the week. heh. stupid timetable. hell! look at monday! urgh.)

that's it.
i achieved my aim of obtaining essential sleep today! (:

wasted the whole of noon, snoozing away.
anwyay, i simply love the fruit salad amanda made yesterday.
oh my oh y, i'm constantly thinking about it.

i shall go ntuc to buy some mayo and make it myself.
yay. (:

ciao people. (:

woots! (:

it's boxing day.
didn't blogged yesterday.
haha.

maybe i did but it got cut off my blogger.
heh.
never mind. (:

wasn't in a very good mood yesterday.

ermm.. let's start from presents!
i got my first christmas present from jennifer.
who just reached singapore yesterrday.
and she called us as soon as she could.
so sweeet! (:

second was hui xian.
she wrote me a card!
hahahahahahaha.
so nice. (:

then was benny.
i met him like on christmas eve morning. :P
he wrapped that book in some gold wrapping plastic-like paper.
so much that it looks like those huge 500g chocolate bar.
heh. :P

and he bought me what i told him to buy,
mitch albom's 'five people you will meet in heaven'
and seriously, i prefer the other book more.
but again, i figured out that i've been rushing through this book,
(lack of time)
so i might as well reread it slowly, when i am free.
so that i could appreciate it more.
and i think i will. (:

this reminds me of the literature poem i used to do in secondary two,
there's a line in the stanza (see! i remember there's something called the stanza.) which goes,
no time to stand or stare.

sigh.
now i realised, how true that is.

after which is,
at shiyu's house where i received a card from her and a christmas ball from hui xian. (:
erm, okay.
we ate and ate and ate at her place.
and there's a really cute white furry dog!
it places its paw on your hand whenever you reached out to it and say: paw paw!
cutish! (:
but shiyu's poor dog, ruby, was then neglected cause everyone's into the white fur dog.
slept a bit and woke up to find shiyu, hui xian and christie, browsing through friendster.
heh.
shan't elaborate. :P
went back to sleep after that.
woke up in a panic to find that i have to meet amanda and gang in less than an hour time.
haha.

anyway, i took my time to go home and went to amanda's place alone.
there, i ate again.
grilled chicken, wonderful fruit salad (wa lau. i like), ham, pizza, twixs, etc.
and they all say i grown fat liao.
*sobs* :(

and there, i received more presents! (:
errrr... we watched some stephen chow show that was playing on tv.
then 'the golden horse award thingy'
and we exchanged presents! (:

xin hui picked her lot and got my present.
which i admit, is cockified.
i'm sorry, but i am broke.
after buying so many things for people.
(besides, i'm not supposed to have any money to buy anything lah.)
i think she managed to force herself to say that she likes it.
hahahha.
sorry dear.
i hope you like the other things i bought you. :P

then i got xin hui's present in return too.
(through the lots)
it's like a fury pencil holder with a little stuffed dog.
cutish! (:

and after when, something happened.
and all of us brightened up and i managed to get more things.

like a furry rabbit handphone holder from amanda,
and a plastic chain with JIA alphabets on it from chun hui. (:
awwww. (:

watched 'along came polly' then.
went home after everything with them.
bathed and met my best friend at the bus stop near my place.

he gave me my last present of the day.
so awfully cute.
i can't stop laughing loudly inside.
he gave me five packets of twix, cookies and postcards which he wrote on.
accompanied him to the mrt station, and went back home.

oh well, he kept blaming himself for the 'cocked up' things he gave me.
hahaha. but the matter of fact is, it doesn't seem cocked to me, as he think it was.
and it's nice enough to have him, coming all the way to his place to mine,
just to give it to me.
i appreciate that.
thanks a lot eh. (:

oh well, wasn't totally very happy yesterday,
cause i kinda got upset with someone who i doesn't.
but never mind.
not that he cared.
so i think i shouldn't be bothered too.

let me quote something from the book benny gave to me:


"Life has to end, love doesn't."

i'm really really sick of listening.

i don't want to hear anything that is none of my business.
i'm sorry but i'm not interested.

stop it.
please. =_-

whee.

at shiyu's house now.
yin jie is already sleeping.
haahha.
that pig. :P

the rest are just singing along with the jay chou songs.
errrr... today wasn't a bad day.
not a very good one either.

errr... nothing much la.
met ah wan, then rushed to shiyu's house lah.

yeah. i better get going.
hui xian wants to use the comp.
hahaha.

merry christmas anyway! (:

hhahahahahahaahah.

my life has taken a U turn. (:
it's been a lot better since today.
i think. (:

all because of amanda. (:
i really really really really really love her. (:
she made me whole.
she always made me feel loved, needed and stuff.
and you know what she did today?

she helped me collect my specs and came my house to give me!
so sweeet right? (:
awwww. i love her. (:
cause my ez link is empty and and.... i'm totally broke.
heh.

i'm so touched lah.
hahahahaha.
so sweet leh.
it's giving me diabetes! :P

and i wasn't at home when she came.
but i still got my specs.
awwwww. (:
i felt so blessed.

plus, she helped me get my discman repaired!
for free. without warranty and stuff.

she went around buying cheap presents for me cause i'm totally broke.
heh.

she accompanied me here and there, there and here, to find cheap frames for my specs.
(:

she washes my wallet everytime she feels that it is too dirty.

she washes my beloved puma jacket when i really dun know how to wash it.

she folds my clothes and arranges them nicely in cupboard while she realised that it's so freaking messy.

she organises my notes but helping me pack them into files nicely.

she laughs at my stupidity. (:
(oh. i laughed more at her though. hahaha. :P)

she cries when i got pissed with her.
(so did i. hahaha. :P)

she ran all the way from audi to our locker in B block,
to get my jacket for me when i complained that i was cold.

she tolerated my frequent mood swings.
she have to endure my endless talking about nua nua, locker guy and _____.
hahahaha. (:

she writes letters to me! (:

she fills my notes with more notes!
(notes with different colours. woots!)

she pasted a lot of stickers on my planner, (on the page dated 19 oct.) this year.

i love her.
and she, no doubts love me too. (:
unconditional love.

and me, i felt guilty.
i did nothing for her.

i heard the love actually song by billy today on the radio.
the last lines were like,

and if you love me, let it show.
yeah. and they say, action speaks louder than words.
so, if you love anyone, show them.
not just tell.

anyway, now i realise the happines of giving.
i just gave dad a pair of my beloved matrix sunglasses which i just bought.
it's like $160. okay la. cheap for a sunglass.
but i can see he's very happy.
and i think it's the first thing i gave him.
i felt so guilty again. heh.
but i felt happy when i see him smiling.
hahahahahaah.
i'm such a good daughter.
*pats own head*


anyway, look below:

=] last xmas congde@gmail.com says:
y do u have to irritate mi now

okay.
perfect.
this is not what i need right now.
now that i know i'm an irritant to you,
fine then.

i'll leave you alone.
heh.

BYE.

insensitive shit.

okay, here's the problem:

i broke my frameless specs' frame,
as in one of the two sticks lah.

i went to the shop, they told me that the minimum for making a new one is 70 bucks.
(fuck lah. it's only two metal strips.)

then i can easily get a new specs for a much cheaper price lah.
(they're having promotions now like mad..)

but the thing is my specs' lens, they cost $120.
and if i go make a new specs, it's like wasting the $120 away.
but i have to pay for 70 bucks for the two pieces of thin metal,
using MY OWN MONEY.



so, how how how how how how how?
AHHHHHHH!

URGH.
i hate my life. :(

life thesedays are really depressing.

let's start with friday.
my last day working at optical avenue in tampines.
saw hui min! (:
*squeals*
it's really nice to see her again. (:

then had dinner with shiya loh. (:
last time i'll be seeing her after soo long.

then on saturday,
i went to tiong bahru plaza's paris miki and work.
ahhuh.
really boring.
but got shuai ge to see nia.
that malay guy in the sports link shop.
wooots. (:
the guy in the pasir miki shop with the mole, is cute too.
he looks like abit like chang yi, yet a bit like denise's lover, ican.
hahahaha. but he got a sexy mole on his chin.
whee. (:

on sunday,
went to tiong bahru plaze then.
went to that shuai ge's shop to buy socks from the guys.
hahaha. (:
went to work, was writing letters with the flyers.
hahahaha. (:

monday,
went to school for training,
after which i went home to bathe,
then met hock and jie wei in GREY.
ha. jie wei was having a tummyache. =__-
waited for stupid adrian.
oh. did i mention that i think adrian looks like my version of harry potter.
hahaha.
not that i like harry potter or him that much.
heh.

and they all kinda forgot to call sanjay along.
yeah, after all the stupid slapping stuff i did,
i got a packet of sugar-free sweets from adrian, for free.
hahahaha.

not that he wants to give me, but never mind.
in this sense, jie wei is good.
ah, never mind. (:

intended to go school lah,
but something cropped up and after that,
i met yaw vwee/best friend in bedok.
passed him everything and i got back my binomial theorem notes.
hahaha. (:

we went to find amanda to talk cock.
and i bet my best friend misses his mum. (:
ain't i nice? (:

then we went from bedok mrt station to simei's.
hahaha.
on our way, we went into the new ITE east school, near my place.
they were having their open house what.
wa lau. so pretty lah.
tennis courts, grandstands with seats, flashlights. swimming pool. track, field, huge long buildings.
it took me and best friend 45 mins to finish walking the first two floors.

anwyay, then upon reaching simei mrt, we took the train all the way back to bedok.
hahahaha.
sounds stupid right.
ayah, i just wan to kill some time.
pity best friend,
he always have to accompany me to these kinda stupid walks.
haha.

then he pei me take the train to paya lebar.
then he took the train back to bedok.
so sorry for him nia.
tsk tsk.

stupid cong de, made me walk all the way to that KFC to find them.
i helped cong finish up his mashed potato,
only to see a scowl on his face.
ass. =_-

then the guys went to smoke outside the kfc lah.
don't know what's their problem also.
so seng poh, cong and me were like sitting inside, lookin at them.
so stupid.
got some ringtones and pictures from cong's hp,
then off i went, home.

was so irritatingly tired that i fell into a 2 hr nap.
woke up, wanted my specs,
when i was opening up the sides,
one of the 2 sides, broke into 2.
and i went, naturally, FUCK!

wa lau, was so worried lah.
canot study liao la.
there goes my study plan. =_-
sian.

dad reached home, had dinner, then i went to tampines central with him to repair my specs.
the uncle was also closing his shop, and i went to ask him lah.
he says need 98 bucks nia.
asshole.
98 bucks for the two metal sticks.
urgh.
i'm going back later to ask more about it lah.
not as if i have a choice. =_-

and on my way there, dad was like kpkb-ing me.
when i told him it's 98 bucks, he scoffed and say
'good lah. let u pay yourself, like this then you will know how to treasure your stuff.'

fuck.
i was so pissed,
that i told him i'm going home on my own.
i dun wanna sit in his car and listen to him kpkb again.
ha.

bad move.
i didn't have any money or ez link with me.
marvellous.

i only got my broken specs and hp.
with that, i started my journey from tampines central to simei.
when i reached TM, i immediately started regretting.
no point seriously, so i continued.
can't see really properly.
wasn't wearin my contact lens. heh.

and it was freaking scary over there lah.
tat park.
no people.
weird screeching sounds.
big wind.
i was like speed walking.
what a good fat burner exercise.
heh.

reached home in 45 minutes time.
then i realised, shit!
i could have went to alan!
hahahaha.
whatever right?

dad came home not too long after i have reached.
he bought optopus balls with everyone lah.
and being pissed, i didn't eat mine.
wasted.
brother finished it for me.
heh.

was like so unhappy for the whole day.
oh well, never mind.

hopefully, i'll find a better spec shop which will help me repair my specs for a cheaper price.
i dun mind paying 30 bucks. but not 98 =_-

screwed lah.

urgh.
so troubled over everything.

things like,

time.
studies.
homework.
relationships.
my almost faulty discman.
my lack of allowance.
undone christmas present shopping.
really irritating 9 hours of standing work.
how to get my damn cip hours which can be a total of 50 hours.
(everyone f-ing person is asking me to write the damn proposal. but HOW TO?)

ahhhhhh!

i think i can go crazy.

sigh.
i can think about all these things during that 9 hours of standing.

ass. =_________________-

oh okays.

must blog. (:
anyway, i went to the pasar malam again.
with wan again.

he wanted to buy some cable stuff and he thought i could help him with it.
ahhuh.
so we met and headed to the library to borrow some book for my gp assignment.
and he helped me searched for the book while i strolled around.
had to leave when he has to go for his prayers.

ahhuh.
so he went to the nearest mosque.
and i waited for him.

then, had stupid dessert back at the food court.
can't eat much cause mum complained that she has cooked my share already.
walked around the pasar malam,
waited for his bus then went home.

and oh, i saw kingsley on the train.
he stinked up the whole train with tt sweat odour of his.
yucks. =_-

yeah... and i went training this morning.
i dragged myself outta bed at 7.37am when the training starts at 8.
i think i'm superb.
wasn't late. (:

did a lot of stuff.
ran slow. :(
then after training, we went for breakfast today.
to me, it's lunch liao lah.
had 'zhu zha tang' with hui sin. (:
yum yum.

we went to NTUC because i had to buy carrots for my bunnies.
then headed home lah.
slept till now.
how nice.

time to get some stuff done lah, you ass.
don't lazing around, jiamin.

uh.. that's my my brain is telling me now.

ciao then. (:

i don't know how you do, what you do,

i'm so in love with you.







it just keep getting better.... (:

and yeah,

he's kinda cute. (:

morning. (:

ahh.. early early early.

and i still feel like sleeping.
sheesh.

wan just called me up.
hahaha.
never mind. (:

anyway, i'm starting on ______ journey today.
no one can stop me.
yay. (:
at least i hope so. (:

anyway, after amanda came to my house and help me pack my stuff,
we headed to parkway and bought a present for jennifer. (:
then we went around aimlessly till she needs to be off to meet her mum,
so i took bus 12, all the way from there to the last stop, pasir ris interachange.

and found that they're having a pasar malam there.
woots! (:
so walked around till wan called.

then went to meet him lah.
went to the stupid food court to eat a stupid bowl of ice kacang.
not that i like ice kacang,
he wants it what, so i just entertain him lah.
i'm nice. (:

haha.

after that, i just waited for his bus with him,
then off i went, immersing myself into the pasar malam atmosphere.
and i bought some stuff for christmas for people. (:
like who spends 40 bucks in pasar malam buying silly stuffs.
heh.

then went home, online,
and end of the day.

nice?

today will be the same rountine.
think i'm going on to the pasar malam again.
heh.

so be it then. (:

i hate guys.

okay, except ahmad, jacques, cong, seng poh,amin......etc.

sigh.
fine.

i hate assholes.
assholes like you.
fuck.

fuck off.
i have enough of liars.
really!

yesterday, amanda was talking about her jie being ill-treat by her boyfriend.

that's why i hate guys,
as in guys in the boyfriend status.

i always have the perception that guys as boyfriends,
often like their girls to do things in their way.
and that sucks a lot.
they think that if you're mine, you're mine.
you can't do this, you can't do that.
and the girl have to listen to him.
they think that their girlfriends will tolerate all these.
they think that their girlfriends will forever be in their control.
they think that their girl will be their girl forever.

to other girls,
maybe.
but not to me.

okay, i might be sterotyping,
but i heard a lot of this stuff going around.
and it makes love ugly.

love isn't meant to be like this.

but again, who am i,
to be talking about this.
heh.

but i like my guy mates.
they rock. (:

yeah,
i like it like this.
so, keep it that way eh? (:

and cong,
i think i get it.
the 21 year old stuff, is the latter lah.
the 2nd option.
hahaha. (:

blogger haven't updated my blog entries counters for, like ages.
never mind about that.

okay, i'm terribly famished.
it's been 1 hour since i woke up.
yeah, life is still a drag.
i'm still tired, tired, tired.

anyways,
i woke up pretty early yesterday all by myself.
amin's morning calls aren't punctual.
heh.
headed down to yishun via MRT.
and i didnt have any seats to work on my butt muscles until i changed to the anothe line in city hall i think.

and i was actually earlier than he is.
damn, he lives in yishun lah.
went to some hawker to eat but i haven't got any appetite.
and was having stupid gastric aches.

then we went to some bread shop and got ourselves bread.
and as usual, amin, being the stupid guy, tried to talk to the auntie.
by asking her what's this, what's that.
and the thing is that auntie don;t know how to answer him in english.
so she went like, 'xiao mei ah. ni geng ta suo zhe ge shi....'
and of course, amin paid for my bread. (:

went 7-11 to get drinks.
and amin got the season's apple tea drink, while i get my coffee.
and that drink of his, sucks lah.
peach tea still rules. (:
and of course, this time round, i paid for his drink. (:

reached the site pretty early.
saw jorson.
yeah.
crapped around like mad.
then aza and hafiz came.
crapped more.

then i saw the church camp people.
ahhhuh.

imagine my shock and dismay when i went into the toilet to find out that........
sigh.
it wasn't my day.
why is it alway like that.

then i panicked!
hahahaha.
but God loves me.
so i was very blessed though. (:

the guys went off, rolling that damn heavy trolley with 5 double canoes on it.
without ME!
anyway, i didn't say it was bad that they went without me,
all pang seh kias!
they clean forgot about me!
hurmpf.
and it's good anyway, cause i dun need help to help out in the pushing, pulling and tuggin tt damn thing.

the best was that they have to walk and run to get there, with tt awfully heavy trolley,
while i sat in rahjoo's lorry!
hahahaha.
they were like, cursing me when they saw me.
yay. (:

but i sat in the rain, lookin after the stuff, just to wait for them.
yeah.
i don't mind.
i like bein drenched in the rain. (:

then we just sat around, waitin for the church people to come.
and wei shan was like, learning how to canoe,
tried to help,
but my help wasn't much appreciated and ......sigh.
never mind, so i stick with the guys.
hahaha.

the thing went on quite smoothly lah.
yeah and there was one really handsome guy from republic poly.
hehehehehe.
i shall not sound like a pervert. =__-

then i get to experience a single kayak.
and there are times when it is really hard to control because the waves are so damn strong.
and.... it's much easier to kayak in a single canoe.
so light lah.
better than working your ass out, dragging that partner of yours in a doubles.
(at least that is wad i saw in that shuai ge's kayak. he was like, struggling. cause the girl wasn't rowing. heh. haha)

and i did asked that shuai ge for help to remove all the water in the kayaks.
too heavy and shun bian what!
hahahahaha.
<>

anyway, i did doubles with jorson and amin.
stupid amin.

and they tried to cary me and throw me down into the sea.
unsuccessful though. (:

okay lah.
the lousiest thing was the keeping of equipments.
heavy boats with water and stuff.
and we have to drag them all the way from that sea to the campsite.
which was like far. far. far.

and we did it lah.
moved the stuff to the trolley and pushed the trolley all the way to the main road for rahjoo's lorry.
we run, pushing that trolley.
urgh.
it was hard when stupid amin dun wanna help out.
stupid. =_-

when the trolley was tied to the lorry,
we really thought it was over.
we can just sit in the lorry and reach the campsite.

but HELL NO.
rahjoo said we have to hold the trolley,
which was common sense lah.
hahahaa.

so that's what we did.
run with the trolley, which is pulled by the lorry.

they were complaining while running,
saying that rahjoo thinks we are his dogs.
heh.
i was too exhuasted to say anything.
damn.
rahjoo drives like nobody business.
ran like mad holding on to the rope tied to the trolley, steerin the direction.
how nice.

reached and washed the kayaks, paddles, life vests and stuff.
the guys bullied me again.
they poured that bloody cold water on me.
over and over and over again.
sigh.
but i like it. (:

hahahaha.

after all that, went to bathe.
didn't take my time to bathe cause someone outside was knocking the door.
so i hurried.
damn. =(

lend amin my head and shoulders.
he got DANDRUFF.
hahaha.

helped jorson to treat his wound.
i'm nice.
but the thing is i only want to see him scream in agony.
he didn't, of course.
but his face sure show the pain.
sheesh.

got 15 bucks just for today.
yay.
i got fun and 15 bucks for this.
how nice. (:
i love it.
hahahaha.

then we have to left the campsite.
so, no more shuai ge liao. :(
went to some hawker to eat.
jorson was like telling me that he's trouble in his BGR.
so i was like, i tell me loh, i can help.
and he phrased it in a way that freaks me off quite a bit.
i hope it wasn't what i am thinking about.
no no no.
not again.

then amin, aza, hafiz and i went to northpoint to take a walk.
i haven't been there before.

and we just spent the whole time in popular.
looking at toys and magazines.

and they disapproved my taste.
but i really like white and silver shoes wad.
dunoe why.
hahahaha.
i like plain stuff. (:

then i have to leave lah.
got to reach TM by 9 to collect my nalgene.
i left it at the workplace. =_-
sorry nalgene.
mummy loves you. (:

then i saw SANJAY.
hahahahaha.
stunned.

talked to him while waiting for lucas to cut his hair.
then lucas came out, crapped more.
actually there's nothing much to say lah.
so there were sometimes when no1says anything,
pretty awkward.
hahaha.
then i broke the silence and we all left.
hahahah.

walked to the interchage with sanjay.
board my bus and home.
was freaking tired by then.

amanda called and we talked for like 30 minutes,
before i decided that i can't take it any longer.

and i went to bed.
or a long while, i haven't slept so early.
but i still wake up early.

shit.

work today... sucks.
but it's over.
yay! (:

got red toes.
sucks.
pain okay.

but the good thing is amanda and jen came to find me today.
hahahahahaha.
so blessed.
i got my 1st christmas present from jen.
wa... so happy.
it's soooo cute lah! (:

saw ekkwat.
i hate him for being so fucking rich.
i can't stand rich people.
heh.

then shiya came at 8 and i ended work at 9.
i always like her company. (:

went home, only to find chicken and duck meat.
dad fried some fried rice for me.
ate and ate and ate and ate.

and here am i.

i'm so tired.
got to reach yishun by 9.15 tml to meet amin for canoe.
need to replace chee seng lah.

have to miss training again.
stupid me.

i feel so sick at night.
i don't like the feeling.

sighhhh.

what a rainy morning.
am super tired.

it doesn't help when i got work today.
but it's alright.
i think i'm enjoying work already.
at least.... it kills time.
ahhuh.
and i get paid for passing my time like that.

yeah. 1 more hour to work.
called amanda yesterday to crap.
sigh.
she don't miss me nia.
go there so long come back, also never call once.
sms reply also dun wan to reply.
sian diao.

anyway, yesterday's work was a drag.
got blisters on my toes.
i always HATE blisters.
cause it hurts like *toot*

yeah, 9 more hours, bearing with the pain.
sian sian sian sian sian.
anwyay, did i say that jie wei and adrian buay tahan the work?
they only worked for a day.
hahahaha.
damn loser.
but i think i can understand.
i'm mentally challenged and my tolerance level for sianness is increasing at a high rate. (:

so i think i'll be prepared for school,
tutorials and stuff.

anyway, adrian and jie wei,
sighhh.
i have been trying to find replacement for you guys since 2am.
calling all my friends up at 1+am.
wa lau, and i still can't find one.
talk about responsibility. =_-

saw wilmond, jian young and nicholas yesterday.
they all going to watch movie.
sucks bigg time.

but it's okay.
i ren. (:

and i got to know a malay guy yesterday.
yeah, but i shan't talk further about it cause i dun wan to. (:
but i'll tell my dearies. hahaha. (:
(as usual)


errrrrr.........
i still can't find people to replace you two lah.
urgh.

and something jie wei msged me,
pushed my 'urgh-ed' button.
hahahahaha.
it's quite hilarious to think back about it. (:

but it's okay.
at least............................

sigh..
never mind. (:

i wonder what me and shiya are having as dinner tonight.

Frightening facts that will turn you off fast food forever

keep these thoughts in mind:

A Hardees Monster Burger weighs in at 1,060 calories, more than half of an average woman's daily calorie needs!

Think you're keeping it light by eating a Taco Bell taco salad? Think again! It contains 850 calories, enough for two meals. I have to give it credit, though -- along with the 52 grams of fat (more than you need in an entire day) it does have a beneficial 16 grams of fiber. Of course, you could simply eat a high fiber breakfast cereal and save yourself approximately 600 calories.

Are french fries your downfall? The best bet is the small fries from White Castle. With only 115 calories and 6 grams of fat, they're actually not a bad choice. As you can imagine, the more fries you order, the more calories and fat you get. At McDonald's, the small fries have 210 calories and 10 grams of fat. Add 240 calories if you eat the medium size (450 calories total), 320 additional calories for the large (530 calories total), and the super-size weighs in at an astounding 610 calories and 29 grams of fat!

Believe it or not, a Chicken McGrill (hold the mayo and you have 340 calories) has fewer calories than the medium fries, a Quarter Pounder with Cheese (530 calories) has about the same amount of calories as the large fries, and the only sandwiches with more calories than the super-size fries are the Big X-tra (710 calories) and Big X-tra with Cheese (810 calories)!


The skinless chicken you roast at home may be healthy, but chicken nuggets have more fat per ounce than hamburgers!



The same goes for fish sandwiches. Here are the numbers:

A 6-piece Chicken McNuggets has 290 calories and 17 grams of fat, a Filet-O-Fish sandwich has 470 calories and 26 grams fat, and a hamburger has 270 calories and 9 grams fat.

Don't drown your sorrows in the milkshakes. Burger King's shakes contain 66 grams of sugar -- that's 16 teaspoons! The 430 calories aren't too shabby either.

Beware of large portions. They entice us with special pricing, but what we're really doing is contributing to the financial bottom line and our own derrieres. Supersizing gives the companies additional profits while we pack on the calories and fat. Do we really need a triple cheeseburger and super-size fries? Take a look at Burger King burgers: Hamburger, 320 calories and 15 grams fatWhopper Junior, 400 calories and 24 grams fatWhopper, 660 calories and 40 grams fatDouble Whopper, 920 calories and 59 grams fat


got it from some website. heh.
i'm not going to waste my money on fast food again.
heh.

my pw on obesity is over,
but that doesn't mean that the fight with obesity is done.

ah, the song, 'my boo' kept surfacing in my mind.
heh.

sigh.
beautiful people make me feel inferior.
rich people make me feel cheapskate.
couples make me feel deprived.

hahahaha. (:
i'm just crapping.

so funny sia.
adrian just called me and enquiried about the contact lens again.
he is taking an hour bus trip down to work.
so suay.
actually thought of going down to bedok and help him if he needs help,
but i think it's better to see them when they get their pay
so that i can dig something out of their pay eh? (:

i think the guys are.. hilarious.
hahahaha.
hock asked me how i promote and stuff.
now i wonder how jie wei and jay are coping.
hur hur.

i'm going work later again.
another 9 hours to bear.
sighh.
i don't like.

sheesh.
i think i'm really deprived.
sleep deprived.

been sleeping at 2, 3 am and waking up at 8-9am.
am itred but there's no way i can get back to sleep.
and it sucks.

i haven't start studying also.
urgh.
totally turn off sia.
tons of tests to rush through and homework all untouched.

i'm getting really worried.
shit. =_-

aya, everything comes after work.
my second week.
still got like 5 days to bear.

5 days.
but it's okay.
i really need to stock up my money in bank.

shiya came over during my last hour of work yesterday.
yeah, she's my supervisor for this week.
super yay! (:
i like her a lot. (:

anyway, wilber pan is performing in TM yesterday,
so not many people walked to my area.
and i saw tpjc rock climbers, so i saw lin ching.
hahaha. (:
and i saw my lover!
xiao ai, cheryl and pei shan. :P

anyway, sales was bad yesterday.
seriously, not my fault, i really tried my best. (:
and shiya was like laughing at me now and then when she came over and do her job.
take photos and talk to the manager and stuff.

the people there, were really nice.
the manager kept talkng to me and ask me why my skin is peeling and stuff.
hahahaa.
then he say can see my arm muscles no wonder i from db. (:

see? i made tpjc db proud.
hahahaha. =_-

so we countdown-ed to work end,
then shiya and i went to the foodcourt,
she ate, i didn't.
went to try the strawberry stuff from mos burger.

okay lah,
people kept saying that it's nice,
to me, it's alright, but too cold nia.
i can't stand cold stuff.
so i dropped one on the floor while trying to eat it.

and i'll be seeing shiya today again.
sian, why is her job better than mine?
urgh.
totally unfair.
hahaha.

but it's okay,
i still get my pay.

and nothing really matters once i get my pay. (:

yeah, i missed training again today.
and i'll be missing next sat's training too.
but i'll go for the monday and wednesday ones. (:
and i can't go shiyu's house for stayover tonight liao.
i really want to go over badly. :(
time just dun permits.

screw.

thinking of not baking cookies and eating them, makes me really sad.
boo hoo.

conscience or greed?

conscience or greed?

it's really funny to know that kenny quit his job for contact lens promoting.
hahaha.
but it's sad too.
he's the only person i got to know through that lousy job of mine.

and yeah,
guess what?
he was caught slacking.
hahahahahaha.
damn crap.

i guess i'll be the second one to be complained.
but still, i'll be praying that i won't.
heh.

anyway, cong ought to be working as a promoter now.
seriously, i wonder how he will fare.
jia you though. (:

aya,
i'm so addicted to the anime, Rave now.
hahaha.
it's so exciting!!
wheeee..

okay, i got to get going.
i promised myself to stop coming online for so long and so many times a day.

yeah, that's it.
i'm going off. (:

heh.
went for training this morning.
i woke up without an alarm clock.
woots!
how is that!

came in the last again for 2.4k.
hahahaha.
sucks. :(
but it's okay, at least i improved. heh.
but it still sucks.
i'll try harder next time.

then i changed into my school uniform.
and went into the school library.

wheee!
there's no1 in there.
i was the only student.
so shuang cannn? =D

borrowed some books and went home,
snoozed the whole day away.
haha.
7 hours of sleep,
how's that?

sigh.
i felt so trashy now.

aya, it's not as if anyone will understand.
and shit, shiyu!
i can't go over your place for stayover leh.
got work! fuck.
unless you want me to come over after work and i have to leave early the next morning.
heh.
tell me about that then.

sigh.
so fucked up.

SHUT UP LAH.

it's so strange,
that i'm thinking about love tonight.

ah, love.
love love.

and why am i thinking about this.

okay, i'm just being immature and stuff.
i mean, you can't expect much from me, right?

ignore me. (:
i'm just lonely.

sighh.
it's a sad day today.
but i shall crap on yesterday,
cause happy things are better to type. (:

went for training yesterday.
most of the db people went for OBS.
heh.
envy envy.
and it reminded me of those fun-filled days there.
sighhh.

anyway, i came in the last for the 2.4k run during training yesterday.
last!
HAHAHA.

aya, kinda expected,
cause i dragged myself to training.
and i haven't run and exercised for ages since the regetta was over.
i'm having muscle aches liao.
hahahaha.
damn crap, i tell you.

aya, went home, intendin to sleep whole day.
then cong called me after i bathed.
so i headed to GREY and handed in my stuff to wei fen
then met the guys at far east plaza.
and the thing is, i don't know orchard at all.

so i had a hard time searching for far east.
heh.
and i realised it's the place me and my gang always go in orchard.
not always,
as in, the only place we'll go in orchard lah.

aya, at first see them,
song, yu teng and seng poh.
also quite awkward,
got nothing to say and stuff.
it's been a long time since i saw cong.
yeah.

then we went paragon to look for chia yeow.
i was like tryin to recall who is chia yeow the whole time.
hahaha.
so poh and me started 'fighting' at the higest level of paragon.
wacking and slapping each other and stuff.
*(!^*&^!#.
he slapped me several times when i was using the phone.

and the result was, the security officer saw us through the video camera
and chased us out of the place.
hahahaa.
so crap can.
pai seh nia. =_-

then chia yeow finally came.
out of crystal jade restaurant sia.
but he working there. not dinning.
ha. :P

we went cine lah.
teng wanted to watch shuttle.
heh.

i got no yuan fen with shuttle.
chia yeow has to go back and work what,
so with nowhere to do,
we went to kbox.

hahaha.
it's so funny to hear the guys sing.
yu teng was like screaming into the mike.
heh.

seng poh was always singing jay chou's songs.
chia yeow will sing duet with me.
cong will pick english songs to sing,
so that i can sing too.
hahaha.

chia yeow and seng poh have to stink up the room.
heh.
i dun really wanna die of lung cancer.
really!

and the room was freaking cold.
cong have to sit on my legs to warm them.
he even rubbed his hands then hold my hands so that my hands will get numb.
hur hur.
so much from my bestestestestestest friend. (:
that's why i love him. (:

then chia yeow left.
so did we, soon after he did.
heh.
we took a cab to city plaza,
and they accompanied me while waitin for bus 13.
which i took to the renewal centre lah.

had my dinner there.
the food was cold,
can't have any high expectation though.
heh.

stared and daydream for hours at the corner,
waitin for sleeping time to come.
lend the discman to the kids who love to listen 'ren wo ao you' song over and over again.

was relatively pissed with the secondary school girls lah.
there was i, so tired and stuff,
and all i wanted is to sleep,
but they kept talking and talking,
it's not as if they speak very soft lah.
kpkb. =_-

when i was tryig to be nice and ask them to lower their volume,
they freaking laughed at me and kpkb more.

when i said: goodness! you all dunoe what is whisper is it?
they started talking about sanitary pads and stuff.
bitches sia. =_-

but i think i can understand lah.
i was once like that.
and i'm like that when i'm with my mates,
but i was damn damn shagged last night.
heh.

listened to the songs with jaysani until she fell asleep,
which i followed soon after lah.

woke up and hear eileen snoring. haha.
and i think the kids over there, were pretty ill-mannered.
very rude. =_-
unlike ahmad of course. :P

aya, woke up, had breakfast,
and realised that the kids damaged my earphones.
URGH.
i just bought it less than a month ago.
and it's spoilt!
totally turn-off sia.

my heart v pain sia.
vv vv gek now.
30 bucks just flew away like that.
HOW NICE.

went home then, via train.
and i actually fell asleep in the train.
woke up and saw that lady opposite me, looking at me.
heh. =_-
and it proves that i'm v tired,
cause i don't normally sleep on public transports.
hur hur.

it's been rainin since last night till now.
very cold weather.
has its pros and cons lah.

anyway,
i'm still gek over my earphones.
URGH.

oh yeah, li yan!
i finally posted your name here. =D
happy? (:

The first time for a guy to approach woman during his life,
be it a senseless dare or pure admiration,
somehow or another,
ounce of energy will gradually flow in you until it accumulates pass a climax,
then a sudden urge of doing silly things to know her happens.

Before you know it, everything happens in a flash,
and when you think back,
you wondered how on earth did you manage to do or say something as retard.

I am in similar hypothetical situation.

I observed her since two days
and for some diabolical reasons, something stuck me,
whispering to me in telepathy mode that I have to know her.

Must have one of Cupid's bow shot went haywire and got into me
- my eyes never left her.

She is petite and small, with long flawless hair.
Her features were well defined
- especially her eyes that captured my soul in the first wink I caught from her.

She is not those drop-dead gorgeous model's style,
but when she smiles and her two dimples creases into her cheeks deeply,
nothing on earth is sweeter than her.

Her charisma and the air that saturates around her is angelic
and when I am near her, to close for comfort (it's simply stressing),
she smelled like a walking conditioner.

I have to know her, if I want this piece of dream to turn into reality.
If it were something of my forte, it would have been as simple as snapping my fingers,
but I had never approach a girl before.

What do you expect from someone who studied in an all guys school since Primary One
and not even a single sister at home?
Female of similar age don't exist in my environment since I graduated from kindergarten,
which was like years ago?

Today is the last day of school, which means starting from tomorrow,
two months worth of vacation began.

Then, my chances of seeing her will be zero because she doesn't even stay near me;
she stayed near my good friend, Jerry, private estate.
Fate has enabled us to meet because two days back,
because I have been going to Jerry's house and I would only see her at the bus stop.

So everything needs to be done today!
She is sitting in front of me and my mind is virtually blank,
thinking of a good way to start a decent conversation with her.

Then, the bus appeared into sight and my set my pulse racing
- I am losing my time resources!

The bus slowed down to a gradually stop and we both board it.
I chose a seat near the back and sat down, watching her walked passed me and sat behind.
A wave of uneasiness washed over me as I could even sense her gaze on my back.

There was an internal war tointroduce myself and to remain rational.
Finally our stop came and we got down.
She walked at a quickened pace, reckoning that I am stalking her behind.
Every seconds is slipping passed me and beads of sweats broke out at strategic part of my forehead.

I can't let this final chance go by!
She went through the gate of the estate by now and my mind is in state of desperation. Watching her gradually moving towards her block is unimaginable.

Come on Cloud you could do it! OR you are gonna lose this chance forever!?
A surge of false strength filled my veins as I ran towards her.
When I came arm length distance from her, I delivered a light tap onto her shoulder.

She turned around, as if expecting all that would happen and gave me a curious look.

> Hi, I was...was wondering if I...I...could get to know you and be your friend??

All the energy in me had expanded in this stuttering sentence I blurted.
My face is beginning to blush red with shyness as I waited for any respond.
She smiled faintly and gosh, that nearly sweep me off my feet.

Five minutes went by and everything happened as smoothly as any successful mission.
We exchanged numbers and I learned that she is not exactly local;
she is a half Japanese who came to Singapore to study.
Her name is Yukiko, which means snow in Japanese ?
like her unblemished skin, fair and silky-like.

Then she said she had to leave and with a dumb smile reciprocating her sweet ones,
we parted.

I looked back at her for one final time, before running and yelling at the top of my voice that I made it.
Did I mention knocking onto the lamppost and actually apologized to it?

------------------------------------

It was two months since I knew her and we have always talk online.
Our relation are like good friends now.
Jerry told me to go after her, but my heart doesn't want to sacrifice this stable friendship for now.
Maybe because I had never had a girlfriend before and always have this phobia of relationship not lasting behind my head.
I came home quite late and logging onto IRC and yes! She is there.

Before I could catch my breathe for walking back home from the bus stop, she sent me a message.

'Cloud, so late still never sleep ar?'
I heard my mum's voice lurking in the background, commanding me to finish the leftover food in the kitchen.
If my mum knew that I ate in school already, I guess she is gonna skin me alive.

'Just came back from school, you?'
'I waited for you to come online.'

Waited for me?
Sometimes girls can be such cute little thing.
Words like these seemed like healing wards for the day fatigue.
Jerry said that guys must be sweet talkers and romantic,
well. I am none of the above.

But when he stressed his point, I tried learning to be one.
'Why leh? Miss me ar? HAHAHAHA!'
I know the laughter was just to cover my embarrassment, but hey, that's a good attempt.

'.'

'Cloud, I am moody today.'

'Really.? What happen?'

'My good friend just broke up with her boyfriend today.'

Somehow girls are very affected over things happening to their friends in matters of love.
Guys would normally tell them to move on with their life and stuff,
whereas they would share their pain and sorrow or cry with them.

Maybe that's why girls always tell one another about their personal problem?

'Well.it's getting common isn't it?
Relationship are breaking up every now and then.'
'I seen them come together and they have been together for 3 months plus. so long.'

Three months and you called that long?
It's not even longer than a semester.
Maybe people involved will find it longer than it seemed to be.
I am a counsellor in school and people approach me for all kind of interpersonal relation problem.

Maybe that's why I have another point of view?
But when it comes to myself, I am such a dickhead.

'If they were meant to be together.well. they will be together right? Sometimes not being together is a good thing.couples not suited for each other being force to be together is a painful thing.'

'Fate.?'

Fate to me is like a legend; everyone talks about it, rant about it, thank God about it, but when it comes to relation, I have never gotten myself a girlfriend, so I know nuts about it.

'Err. you could say that?'

'Then are we fated to know each other. Cloud.?'

I always hated it whenever girls corner me with questions that neither YES nor NO is the right answer.
Just when I am stuck with her questions, my mum with her pissed off face come knocking at my door, demanded that I finish the food left for me.

'Hey, I have go off for now to eat supper. answer you another time.'

'.'

'Come on. gif me a smile ok? I treat you movie next time.'

'You say wan ar. . I see you tomorrow ok?'

Well, it seemed that the treating trick always works.
Hey. it means that I can make use of this excuse to catch a movie with her!
I am such a fast learner.

'Ok! bye bye!'

The next thing I see is the 'DISCONNECT' word on my computer.

Grinning from ear to ear, I skip my way to the kitchen.

-----------------------------

'Cloud! You are finally here!'
I looked at the clock and it says 10 pm.
No, I am not late, rather I am pretty early using IRC entering our usual chat room.

'Cloud, my good friend tried to patch back with her bf today. but he ignore her.'

Well. guys of these days are not looking for serious relation.
People have to get to know and go through more relation before they could realise that who is the right one for them what.

'She cried you know. so poor thing. then that guy said that he likes another girl.'

A Chinese proverb came into my mind - Tian ya he chu wu fang cao.

Why cry wasted tears over a relation that was never meant to be yours in the first place?

Human, even though are emotional creatures,
after a period of time, everything will just be a memory of what had taken place.

'Yah I told her to move on with her life, but she loved him so much and she couldn't believe that he like someone else. if I am her, I will also dunno what to do.'

Don't know what to do? Make yourself happy instead of lingering in this sorrowful event?

Sometimes I really wonder if woman are that dumb?
Or is it love that is making woman a vulnerable creature?
And what makes you think THAT it is love?

Woman, in their first love, love their lovers,
in others, they loved love.

'Really?.'

All woman loves romance.
It is like salt and sugar in cooking.
Without it, whatever relation will be bland.

'What about you Cloud?'

Me?
How come the topic is about me now?
I always avoid questions whenever it comes to me in revealing my inner self.
It is like exposing yourself to danger through speaking.

People, whom you least expected it, betray the trust you given to them and you will have to go through this series of utter disappointment and sadness.
Ok I admit. I watch TOO much TV.

'Me? What about me?'

'What if something like that happens to you?'

'Er. it won't lar. I don't even have a gf.'

'Why? Go get one?'

'.'

'y? something is wrong?'

Ok baby, this would be the catalysis to explode my innermost views again.

'I don't want to get a gf for the SAKE of getting one. its meaningless don't you think? Relation nowadays are going nowhere because people just want to be in a relation. They are afraid to be alone - they WANT someone to walk by them. Be it emotionally, sexually or physically. I don't mind being alone - I like it! Until maybe when the special one comes along, I will try my best to be with her, doing stuff together and most importantly, grow together.'

There was an unaccustomed silence after I type that paragraph.
My fingers speed through the keyboard and finally stop at the last word.

Oh @$$@! Have I just ruined my good impression?
I discern its time to celebrate with Jerry about my first failure.

'You are right Cloud.'

Hooray!! I could see my happiness on the computer screen, signalling to my victory of words.

'I want to stay single, until the special one comes along too. .'

Oh wait, how could cute girls like her possibly stay single?
Guys will try all sorts of ways to get her and she would finally succumb to one.
She is too cute to stay single.

'Me blushed. no I am not cute.'
She is such a poor liar.

When you praise a girl pretty, they would tell you they look ugly.
When you say that they look like toilet, she retaliate and bites back, saying you look worst.
such is mentality of a woman.

'I girl mah, that why will also be like that. =P'

From a close defeated battle, I have eventually emerge the winner as I continue to chat with her for the next two hours.
Somehow, during these periods of knowing her, I had never asked about the background of her family or sort, but we talk everything else.
I loved to chat with her as she is way so different from all the other girls
- she is VERY naive and this creates an impulse for me to protect her, to guide her along.

She showed me the real innocence of a young lady, untainted and pure.
I love the way she is, naturally cute and
THIS is the reasons that stop me from jioing her
- I can't take advantage of her innocence right?

'Cloud. I have to go already. its getting late.'

'I have to leave too.Oh yeah. its almost 12 and my Cinderella has to leave. HAHAHAHA!'

Why is it that I must laugh every time I attempt a MUSHY statement?
A lousy cover for my embarrassment.

'.'

'Cloud. you say the other time you wanna treat me movie right?'

Ok, my hypnotic statement has hinted her!
YEAH!

'Lets watch movie together tomorrow ok?'

'Er. ok!' My mind was cheering and screaming in rejoice.
All hail cupid for the golden opportunity!

'Ok. Cloud you log off first, I don't want you to see me go.'

'Aww.ok I count to 3 and leave.'

I can't believe I am doing this SILLY business.

'3.2.1.gone!'

I couldn't get to sleep on that day, totally excited about tomorrow's event.
Going out with a girl? I had never been out with one before!
Praying at my bedside sincerely that nothing will screwed up on that day.

-------------------------------------
It was 8.40 pm and I was at Starbucks (20 minutes before appointment point)
- Plaza Singapura, the location we suppose to meet.
It is not polite to be late for a date for the first time anyway.

Sipping my favourite ice blended mocha, I waited.
I was daydreaming about today's soccer match I played and started pondering over life issues and soccer;

Life is like soccer. you never know when you gonna get hit by the ball in your face.
What load of crap!

As I was trying to entertain myself to relieve some amount of tension in me,
I sense her presence - the smell, I can never forget.

I looked up and saw her smiling and making her way towards me.
She is simply stunning and like a critical hit, I was stoned watching her coming.

White spaghetti straps top with jean skirts.
Woah, I simply love girls wearing skirts.
It makes them looked. more.erm.more female.

'Sorry I am late.'

'Nah, its Ok. I am just early myself.'

'So what movie are we watching?.'

'It's ok, we will check it out later, anyway what matter most is who I am watching with, not the show.'

She blushed and I nearly died saying that sentence.
Hey. I am pro huh? HAHAHA!

Smiling at my flippant words, I commented on how gorgeous she looked today.
I guess it was just something to start conversation, but hey.
I really meant what I said.
She looked really shy and reply with a soft thanks.

I bought another ice-blended mocha for her as she said she wanted the same.
We chatted for a while - Jerry told me to soften her up with the conversation as she will most likely be as tense as I am.

Gradually, she gain comfort from my company and from chatting,
it grew some laughter in it.

Actually at times (lucky thing it wasn't frequent),
I did not understand what she was saying.
Her Japanese accent with little tint of singlish that comes along with it,
was weird but comprehendible.

Nevertheless, she looked so cute, especially when she smiled that I have this burning urge to pinch her cheek.
After finishing our drinks, we made our way to the Cinema, after we decide and made purchase for Shallow Hal.
It was comedy show and Jerry said that comedies is good way to remember a first date.
At least she won't be crying while watching a sad movie and I had to cheer her up later, although horror show seemed like a whole lot better option to me.
Hiak!

The movie is talking about Hal Larsen, the ultimate shallow guy.
He judged woman by appearance and in the end he got hypnotize by this guy who made him sees woman by their character instead of physical beauty.
Rosemary, the lead actress came into the picture and he fell in love with her, without realizing that she is not what he thinks she looked like.
The story is a mixture of hearts, laughs and emotions and at the end of the show,
I could see watery tears rimming around Yukiko's eyes.

What the hell? Well. at the very least she understand the story, which was my first fear.
We walked out of the Cinema and out of Plaza Singapura,
while I tried to reassure her that the world was still spinning and it was only a show.

'Cloud. do you think there are people like that?'

'Sure. of course. that is the real world.'

'Why must guys like pretty girls?'

I was momentarily taken aback by a sudden question.
I asked myself and the answer that came up doesn't seemed too good.

'Because human like to see pretty things? I mean you would like to see good looking guys too right?'

'But good-looking guys don't give me security. That's why I don't like good-looking guys.'

My heart screamed another point of victory;
I am not good looking - I am decent looking, the second closest to handsome.

Even though she never really answered my question, but I love her reply.

'What about you Cloud? Do you like pretty girls too?'
THIS KIND of question AGAIN?

If I said yes, I will appear **** shallow.
If I say no I am lying to myself. Gawd!
I need the best of both world answer.

'Me?'
I was trying to buy time as she nodded her head almost immediately.

'Well. I think I prefer. cute girls like. you!'

My system was undergoing this contained stress and it is making me go nuts every time she throws questions like these to stumble me.
She blushed and tapped my head lightly.
Oh man, I think I am not gonna wash my hair today.

'Don't be silly.'

I know that sentence was just to cover her embarrassment, just like me laughing whenever I made mushy remarks.
I decided to sent her home by bus as I think this is the very least what a guy should do.
We boarded the bus, the same bus 171 where we always take - We recognized the bus driver.

'Boy ar. not bad ar. get to know her liao.last time you both dunno each other wan right?'

It was the bus driver and I nodded in faintly agreement with him and smiled my way through, while she giggled uncontrollably.
We choose a seat at the far back and sat down.

'This driver is always very chatty, don't bother about him. I always seen him talking to other passengers.'
She shaped a smile from her lips.

Suddenly, she took the bus tickets I was holding.

'Look away first!'

I did as I was told and after five minutes she hold my waist and put her fist onto my hands.
Am I in heaven?


'I have nothing to give you, so I made this two heart myself. One for you, one for me.'

I looked at her origami made from bus tickets and wondered whether I should do something similar.
I appreciate her effort though - I thanked her.
Finally her stop arrived and she had to alight.

We got down and I insisted in sending her all the way till her block.

'It's ok. It's not good if I am being seen by my neighbours with a guy so late at night you know.'
I nodded and finally relented.
Well, every date has to part eventually right?
I watched her fade into her estate and until I caught zero glimpse of her.
I am in LOVE with TODAY.

--------------------------
For the next few months, we chatted everyday and each time I felt that I am slipping into this pit of angelic darkness called love.
She told me she couldn't go out very often as her guardian is very strict
- finally she is talking more about herself.
Her parents are overseas working, leaving her all alone, which contribute reasons for her character.

I know she longs for my company like I longs for hers.
We are like one in-separate-able pair of best friend.
Whatever problems she has, she consulted me and I will be there to give my expertise advice.

Maybe this is what true love is, someone to be there regardless of whether you two are together - someone to guide, shield and depend.

Jerry, the woman's men, said that I am wasting too much time on a single girl.
I should have just pop the question and leave the thinking to her, after all life is too short to spend on one person.
But the urge to reveal my feeling hasn't reached to such stage for desperation yet.
Maybe next time I would, but when is the right time?

'Cloud. I have something to ask you.'

Oh no, not again?

'What do you think of me?.'

Oh ^!&#, peer evaluating time!
Even though I speak easily to myself, when it comes to expressing to HER, I am score an F9 for it.

'Cute? And you are a very good friend of mine.'

'That all?.' What do you mean that's all?
Oh dear, I have to say something that she wants to hear or forever I will be condemn in her eyes.
Noooooooo... I decide to avoid the question using my avoidance tactics.

'There is a lot of things in my heart that I feel about you, but in this short span of time, I can't express it out. But regardless of what is it, I want to let you know that treasure you a lot.'

Phew, lucky thing I manage to come out with this marvellous sentence. It seemed that after the episode of knowing her, I am beginning to learn the trades of using words.

'.'

I didn't know how to reply her smile and decide to leave it until she reply me with something else.
Five minutes went by and I am starting ponder whether I should reply anything.

'Cloud. can we meet for dinner tomorrow?'

Another date!
Yeah I screamed literally at my computer scream as she is able to go out once more, with me.

'Sure! What about your guardian? She allows you to go out?'

'Yes, she allow me to go out tomorrow.'

'Ok. we meet at Mac at Parklane ok?'

'Ok I have to go offline now. remember don't be so early ok?. I feel bad if you have to wait for me.'

I smiled at her consideration for me. Before I could reply with anything, her nick has quit IRC.
Guess that I have to wait for tomorrow to see her again.
-----------------------------

I arrived early as usual, this time about 15 minutes earlier, waiting for her outside Macdonald patently.
Reckoning about her sudden wanting to meet me suggested motives, that's what TV drama always show.
Maybe she needed a large sum of money, borrow from me and then disappear into thin air.
hiak. the effect of TOO much TV. again.

As I was busy throwing impossible scenarios into the pictures to cease my tension,
she stood in front of me.

As I looked up, I noticed her face is getting fairer and whiter to the extend of being pale, but nevertheless her sparkling eyes never loses its glow.
Must be the effect of those skin whitening Japanese beauty product.

'Waited long?'

'Only about 5 minutes.'

My first lie I made to her.
But it was for good cause.
We went into Mac and sat near the window seats, where we could look out towards the roadside.

'What do you want, I buy for you.'

'You eat anything, I eat anything.'

I went to buy for her and decide upon Mac Nuggets Meal as she is a small eater.
Less than an instant, 2 packets of large fries, 2 large coke and two boxes of 6-pieces nugget was on the tray as I carried them.

Somehow, I noticed that she was looking at me with such mesmerizing effect that I nearly unbalanced myself.

'Cloud. why are you so good to me?.'

Good?
What you mean good?
You mean you want me to trick you to bed and after that meet about for sessions like this?

Thinking back, only ******* guys would do that and being a good guy, I shall uphold my reputation.

'What you mean?'

'Before those day when you wanted to know me, I was actually getting a little irritated when you stalked me.'

'Oh really?. I must have seen like a pervert or something to you right?.'

She giggled out of a sudden and I wondered what she meant.

'But then again. till now, I realize that you are different from other guys that wanted to know me.'

What? There are other idiots doing the same thing too?
Oh well, I am NOT surprised, considering her lovable nature and attractiveness.

'You are my best friend and appreciated it. and must be fated that will know each other right?'

Fate again.
Why must woman always bring up the topic of fate everytime when it comes to relation of any kind?
I nodded my head a little.

She seemed a little solemn today and I reckoned that if there is anything I could give in to her, I should give in.
I tried to cheer her up a little as the topic she started were on the emotional side.
I spoke some joke and she giggled a little as we continue to our meals.
Sometimes I feel that she is the only person in the world that appreciate what I am doing - be it stupid, silly, cute, dumb or whatever $@%!.

It is not much, but she always responded.
We finished our meals and were playing with our straws like little kids.

As we had our little 'fighting', I looked into her eyes and her eyes seemed to tell me that she may have gone through a lot of in during these period.
I don't know what was the problem may be, but all my mind was telling me was to make her happy - simple and sincere.

'Can we go somewhere where I could see the sea?'
We took a taxi down to Marina Bay.

Reached in while moment, we got out and walked close to the shores where the waves roar in protest from the raging winds.
The sky is densely clouded and the breezes is strong, but just nice enough for comfort.
We sat down side by side and watched the waves continual sweeping up the shores.
Suddenly she position and lean herself on my back with her head facing up, looking at the nightly sky.

I told myself never would I forget such day.
The first intimate bodily contact I had with a girl back to back, just like two hearts melted in one.
We spoke nothing, just revelling in nature's enjoyment.

'The sky is beautiful right?.'
I looked at the sky and to me, it appeared as if it's going to rain soon.

Then she stopped leaning on me, and looked into me.
As if a soldier going for war, my gaze never left hers - I have decide not to avoid it.
We studied each other gaze for a moment and after what seemed like eternity, I could see a layer of wetness in her eyes.

'Cloud. would you remember me?.'

Actually I was wondering why she sobbed, but it seemed that maybe she wants to bring out something to tell me and I suspect it is nothing good.

I nodded my head to her question and her gaze move onto the rough sea.

'Why? I will never forget you. is there something wrong?'

She kept quiet, rolling her vision between the sea and the sky before looking down...
'I. have to go back Japan.'

Like a prick on bubbles, an internal implosion occurred within me.
Don't tell me all the fantasy I am having is coming to an end?
If this was a dream, I pray that I will never wake up from it.

'I understand. your parents are over there and they worried for you.'

Even though I am fighting inside, I had to put on a brave front.
Well, she isn't my girlfriend or something, I can't demand her not to leave.

Girls of her age needs their parents to be with them more than friends.

'Will you come and visit me if I ask you to?.'

'Yes of course! I will!. Can we still contact through IRC?'

I was hoping for a small miracle, its nothing much, but at least I could still talk to her online.

'I don't think I have computer or internet connection at my house.'

The atmosphere is getting intense and to make matter worst, the I could feel a drop of water falling on my skin.

'Then. its ok. we could chat on the phone whenever we can and I think we better leave now, it's going to rain.'

We both got up and walked hastily towards the road in trying to catch a cab, but halfway through, the merciless weather started pouring heavily.

Even though I just had a shock from what she had just told me, in the present moment, in my mind, all I thought of is to shield her from the chilling rain as I didn't want her to fall sick.
My hands formed a tiny, little barrier and covers her head.

It is **** dumb and I don't understand why am I doing such acts - it won't block the rain from drenching her.
Then, I saw a coming taxi driving and I flagged it.

'You are so silly Cloud.'

The next thing I knew, we were in the cab pretty drenched.
I told the uncle to reduce the air-con to the lowest and put my arms around her shoulder, rubbing her arms to gain some heat.
Gradually, for some reasons, she was in my embrace and I was stroking her soaked hair.
Her eyes were kept closed and my fingers travelled to her cheeks.

Pinching lightly to fulfil my long awaited-desire, she opened her eyes, like an awaken baby in the morning.
My index finger teased her dimples a little as she felt tickled and ruffled her head in between my arms and chest.
All good things must come to an end - the cab reached her place and lucky thing, there was shelter to her house.
I told the uncle to wait for a while and got out of the cab with her.

'When are you leaving then.?'

'Tomorrow.'

Tomorrow?
Did I just hear wrongly?
What's the rush?

Sometimes, reality is extremely cruel - heaven makes sport of men.

'I am suppose to tell you earlier, but I can't bear to.'

She is right. If she told me earlier, my feelings would be just like dying patients with the last stage of cancer - waiting for THAT day.
It's terrible!

'Would you see me off?.'
In my heart, there is this robust urge of seeing her every second, but if I were to see her off, the scene would be unimaginable.
My mind and soul won't be able to endure the parting scene.

'I think, we should just keep this the last meeting then.'

I actually managed to smile and kept this mask of mine, this brave front indestructible.
It remains on my face emotionlessly and dead.

'Well. perhaps it's better if we keep it this way. By the count of three, we both just walk off to our destination and never look back ok?'
She nodded and I could see her tears closed to spilling out.

'3.2.1.'

---------------------------

'Boy ar, come, drink this.'

It was close to my June examination and my mum knocked and came into my room, bringing me the usual examination brain tonic - Chicken Essence.
I gulped down the entire bottle and sat by my study table in my room.

Working through last year papers has driven me to the pinnacle of madness.
I looked out of my room's window and thought of Yukiko, again.

It has been a few months since I last saw or heard from her.
After the scene at her estate and we promise not to look back at each other, I never turn back to even have my last glance.
I feel that I already had my last glance when I spoke my last words to her.

As I depart, I controlled myself emotionally and force my tears back to its origin.
For a guy's image, I can't allow such feelings to overpower me.
I went online that day and see if she was there using another nick, but no she wasn't.

I know it already passed midnight, but I finally succumb to my inner self and wanted to make sure I won't think back and regret on the fact that I never check whether she was online that day.
I don't know why she never contact me since then, but I know she has her reasons.
Maybe she lost my number over there, maybe she is busy adapting to her new life.
or maybe she has forgotten me?

No can't be! How can that be?
How can the scenarios that have been taken place be so easily forgotten?

The day I knew her, our chats, the movie, dinner, straws fighting, the beach, the unexpected rain, the cuddle and every other tiny little details.
Is this piece of dreamland meant to be only a dream?

Tomorrow is the beginning of my exam.
I rubbed my eyes a little and stretched, telling myself not to ponder over past issues as it may affect my exam performance.

I went back to my books and paper and continue began working on it.

'Boy ar! Your phone!'

My phone? At such hours of the night?

'Hello?.'

There was no respond, but somehow I had this feeling that it was her.

'Yukiko?? Is that you?'

I was praying and gripping the phone hard, hoping that a miracle could happen.

'How. how you know it was me?.'

'I smart what! Hey! I never hear from you SO LONG!'

I emphasised on the words 'So long' as if I had never heard anything from her for few decades.

The first thing I did was to told her to hang on for a moment and screamed at the top of my voice, literally.

My happiness could not contain inside me and I need to release it.
Then I scolded her, in gentle tone, for not contacting me and making me so worried for her.


'Sorry. I can't use the phone here for very long too.'
Actually, I don't mind the duration of her calls - I just wanted to hear her voice so badly.

'Miss me?.'

'For making me worried and missing you so badly, you shall treat me movie the next time I see you.'

I used the same trick again. HAHAHA!

We spoke on the phone and talked like old friends and the pressing examination stress seemed to have vanished.
I was hoping in my heart that time will freeze so that we could chat till the end of time.

'Cloud. remember that day when I ask you if you would visit me in Japan and you said you would.?'

'Yes? You want me to go over? Ok sure, tell me your address. I will go over right after my examination next sat.'

'Next sat?. examination?. that is when?'

'Maybe 28 May or slightly later.Yeah. tell me your address?.'

I jolted down her contacts in Japan and kiss it.

'Cloud. I got to go already. can't talk anymore.

Before I put down, is there anything you want to tell me?.'

'Take lots of care ok? I can't wait to see you soon!'

'You put down first Cloud. I don't want you to see me hang up on you.'

With that a heavy heart our conversation ended as I put the phone down.
In preparation for the coming trip to Japan, I hurried my revision, determined to do well so that I could psycho my mum to pay for my trip.

I thank you God for giving me this chance!! HOORAY!



*Days passed*

Finally I am close to finishing my examination - today is the last paper.
I was home, like all other days, doing my revision.
My mum says that if I do finish this examination, she would pay for my tickets, provided I give her my words that my results will be good when it is out.

Regardless. I CAN'T WAIT ANYMORE!
I want to see her so badly and life has been good to me,
even though little setbacks filled along the way, but I love the surprises Cupid has in store for me.

From morning till night, I have been studying non-stop, although my mind wandered on the thought of seeing her again.
For the sake of going over, everything is worth it.
Then, in amidst of studying, my mum calls for me and I guess it must be regarding the trip over. Hehz.
Yeah I will see her soon!

---------------------------

'Boy ar. a letter for you.'

Huh? A letter for me?
I had never receive a letter addressed to me before.
I examined the envelope and it wrote ' To Cloud' on the front.
Curiously, I tear opened and a letter fell out.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Cloud, Before I began, I apologise for not telling you everything about myself. In this world, if there is one person I wouldn't want to see crying - it would have been you. I wrote this letter on the night when we parted and promise not to look back. Actually I broke the promise; I did looked back, because I feared that I may not have the chance to see you again this lifetime. I know you are putting on a brave front because as a woman I could cry and I know you would be there to console me, but someone has to be the stronger one to console and reassure right? The reasons why I have to go back to Japan is because I am suffering from a rare case of a blood cancer that may claim my life very soon if it is not treated. My parents wants me to go back to take a major operation there because if this operation were to fail, I would disappear from the surface of the world and they wants to be with me during this period, that's why I ask you if you would come to visit me if I ask you to. The success rate of this operation is only 30% and anything could happen. So I want to tell you that I appreciate your company, your advices, everything you did or said. I giggled to myself every night after we chatted online and I began to ask myself if I fell in love with you. I guess I did, although you never express yourself to me. Perhaps it is just one sided, but no wrong liking you what right? You told me you rather wait for the special one, and I told you I will also wait for mine. During the time when I was cuddling in you, I knew that you are the one. I hope that the cab could drive slower because I may not get the chance to cuddle in you again. You may find a girlfriend by then, or I am already in heaven watching over you. My operation begins on 24 May and I will call you maybe a week plus before to fulfil the promise you said you would come over and visit me in Japan. By then you would know the truth and I could see you for the last time, at least. But then again, if you receive this letter through mail sent by my guardian, it means that I have already gone, leaving my physical body, leaving my suffering and of course, leaving this world. But do not despair, as I will always be around you, shielding you like what you did, in vain, to protect me from the rain today. You said you are not romantic at all, but to me, you are the best a guy could be. I am feeling a little tired writing this letter, but I am determine to finish what I had to say. If there is one thing final question I want you to ask me, it would be you asking me whether if I like good-looking guys. No, I don't like them because I like guys like YOU - unique and extraordinary, just like Rosemary in the movie we watched together. This distinct character could only be found in you and I want you to kept it that way for I like the way you are, not the way you looked. I love you, Cloud. very much. Yukiko

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tears I have been fighting back, at this time broke from my resistance barrier and roll down my cheek as I saw the date today - 27 May.

I was rooted to the ground, totally defeated, lying at the mercy of my ill-fated destiny. I clutched my head tightly as trains of disillusioned thoughts sinks into my mind.

Why DIDN'T I LEFT Singapore to Japan?

I should have hack care about my examination to be with her, her final days.

I should not have delay the trip over.

I should not.
Decisions, most of the times, have cruel consequences regardless of which options I chose.

I was at the verge of mental breakdown, totally confused and helpless, like a baby in crossfire, weeping silently to myself for the tears I owe her and for the lack of courage to express my feeling.
She was waiting for me to pop the question!
And I never did!

I should have fuc-king listen to Jerry.
At the very least, I could let her know HOW MUCH she meant to me and how much I loved her. I knew something is happening to me.
I was crying.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As expected, my results were good.

Since that day, I never spoke much because I was hurt, disappointed and regretted beyond words.
I sat at the bus stop where I first saw her and every scene replay itself in my mind,
like a drama.

I recalled that she still owe me a movie treat - although this could never happen and thinking of it, made me sink deeper into this whirlpool of depression.
Clutching tightly onto the heart origami that she made,
I waited for the bus and soon, it arrived.
I took it and realise that it was the same bus driver again.

'Eh boy ar. why your girlfriend not with you ar?.'


I smiled at him and pointed to my heart.

'Nope! She is with me. all the time.'

ahhhh.
i'm screwed.

ten times to the toilet, how good can it sound?
it kicked off when some gastric kinda pain,
urgh.
can't be gastric though,
cause i ate a lot today. (:

today was kinda nice.
though my heels are screaming in agony,
i think i still can tahan for a while.
got some headache also.
urgh..

today was good and bad.
bad as in, i never sell any contact lens today.
not my fault.
the response was just bad.
heh.

the nice thing is, i got to know an indian uncle very well.
hahaha.
cause there's a pasar malam (read: night market) there,
and his stall was just opposite my booth,
so we tend to like, smile at each other.

and i helped him look after his stall for 5 minutes when he went for a coffee break.
hahaha.
and i can't help but laugh everytime he shout, cheap la cheap la, cheap la!
hahahaha.
anyway, it's sad to say goodbye to him.
he gave me a free, really sparkling bangle,
cause i was like asking him how to wear that.
heh.
he helped me wear then ask me not to take out. =_-

then his partner was like, asking me to be his sister.
he offered me the earrings there.
he say i want then take loh, he pay for me.
hahahaha.
how nice.

of course, i took a pair of earrings, and paid for it myself.
i must buy something from them what, obviously.
they're very nice people. (:

sigh.
i'm seriously very shagged.
got training tml, then got to go GREY and hand in my work stuff,
then some overnight camp.

HOW NICE.

hahahhaa.
goodness,
miao jun (my drama fren cum. supervisor) just called me.
and told me that some of the 'mysterious passabyers' are displeased with some of the promoters.
and she called me.

maybe she called the rest,
but i think she called me only.
hahahaha.
that's so so so bad.

yeah, must admit, i'm like kinda too slack today.
so tired.
my legs can't take it.
heh.
but the shop still sold 4 boxes today.
which is not too bad, you know? (:

i was like, anticipating work end when work starts.
hahaha.
i can't help it but HATE my job.
but for the sake of money.
yeahhhh.
i'll bear with it.

sighhh.
it's 11am-7pm shift tomorrow.

let's see how it goes then. (:

heh.
my heels are aching badly.
calfs too.
my whole legs are screaming in agony.

yeah, i went work today.
was kinda late due to that stupid us 12 which refused to come.
urghh.
but the good thing is, it's not that anyone cared about my presence.
yay. (:

was cursing when i got rejected,
was thanking God when someone bought the contact lens.
heh.
and for the whole eight hours, i onyl sold three boxes.
sighhhh.

but i'm happy liao.
saw a lot of people there.
saw hui sin and raymond too!
hahaha.
saw cheng hou sir.
he actually remembered me.

and i got to know a "colleague".
and i won't be seeing him any further.
too lazy to explain lah.
suan liao.

wa. then i thought he was around my age,
and it turned out that he's in NTU.
he must be quite old.
cause he's from poly lah.
heh.
and he knocked off earlier than me!
ass.
he purposely come and wave goodbye to me.
)#&(!*#^#(!#!#/.

oh oh oh!
the only exciting part of today was when suddenly a pretty handsome guy came up to me,
and asked if i'm jiamin.
i was like, stunned there.
how come i dunoe him but he know me.
aya, he was the one who is supposed to bring me my work tee.
hur hur.
he said he wants to take photographs of me interacting with the customers.
so he just stood there for like 20 mins, with the camera in his hand,
waiting to take my photographs.
so awkward.

but he's nice lah.
we talked quite bit,
especially when i told him that the customers are spastic and i rolled my eyes several times,
cause they ignored me. heh.
he kept telling me, pretend i'm not here.
and when he left, he told me that there maybe the company's spies looking at me doing my work,
and he said that i shouldn't be much a problem.
haha.

yay. (:

after work, i went to look for seng poh.
he damn jian,
purposely meet him at singapore post cause it's super near his place.
and i realised everytime we meet up, it'll be in paya lebar.
jian sia.

went for coffee.
as in the NTUC's can coffee.
he bought nestle brand for me, he said he intended to buy the starbucks brand one.
but canot find.
hahaha.
like i believe him :P
crapped quite a bit at the food court which was empty.

then went to the mrt station's toilet.
hahaha.
and sat at the stairs outside the station and continue talking till 11.30.
then home.
then online till now.

friggin tired.
it's been a long day,
got work tomorrow too.

i'm really sorry, xue ping and alan for missing the trainings.
but i'll train myself when i'm free.
dun u worry. :P

till then,
ciao. (:

ahh!
woke up early today.

and i'm still tired.
but it's okay,
i shall not go back to sleep,
or else, i'll be so so late for work later.

yeah,
i'm starting work later at marine parade.
heh.
and i really hope that i'll be able to get a few customers later.
i don't know how to go about attracting customers.
*pouts*
this sucks.

it's like, who on earth will buy daily contact lens when you have monthly ones.
monthly ones are obviously cheaper. duh.
and like most people are wearing contacts le.
sighhh.

good pay, more money is the only source that made me work.
heh.
sucks.

so anyone, who wants to try contact lens,
can find me later in parkway okay?
hahaha.

it's $35 per box.
in 1 box, you'll have 30 pieces of lens,
which mean 15 pairs.
but if your eyesight are of different degree,
as in the left and the right eye is of different degree,
you will need to purchase two boxes.

and 1 box entitles you to 5 free lens.
yeahh,
good right?

i think i'll make a good promoter for bengawan.
for food.

not contact lens. heh. =_-

i give up.

On my wedding day, I carried my wife in my arms.
The bridal car stopped in front of our one-room flat.
My buddies insisted that I carry her out of the car in my arms.
So I carried her into our home.
She was then plump and shy.
I was a strong and happy bridegroom.
This was the scene of ten years ago.

The following days were as simple as a cup of pure water:
we had a kid, I went into business and tried to make more money.

When the assets were steadily increasing, the affections between us seemed to ebb.
She was a civil servant.
Every morning we left home together and got home almost at the same time.
Our kid was studying in a boarding school.
Our marriage life seemed to be enviably happy.
But the calm life was more likely to be affected by unpredictable changes.

Dew came into my life.
It was a sunny day. I stood on a spacious balcony.
Dew hugged me from behind.
My heart once again was immersed in her stream of love.
This was the apartment I bought for her.
Dew said, You are the kind of man who best draws girls.
Her words suddenly reminded me of my wife.
When we just married, my wife said, Men like you, once successful, will be very attractive to girls.
Thinking of this, I became somewhat hesitant.
I knew I had betrayed my wife.
But I couldn' t help doing so.
I moved Dew's hands aside and said, You go to select some furniture, O.K.? I 've got something to do in the company.

Obviously she was unhappy, because I had promised her to go and see with her.
At the moment, the idea of divorce became clearer in my mind although it used to be something impossible to me.
However, I found it rather difficult to tell my wife about it.
No matter how mildly I mentioned it to her, she would be deeply hurt.

Honestly, she was a good wife.
Every evening she was busy preparing dinner.
I was sitting in front of the TV. The dinner was ready soon.
Then we watched TV together.
Or, I was lounging before the computer, visualizing Dew's body.
This was the means of my entertainment.

One day I said to her in a slight joking way, suppose we divorce, what will you do?
She stared at me for a few seconds without a word.
Apparently she believed that divorce was something too far away from her.
I couldn' t imagine how she would react once she got to know I was serious.

When my wife went to my office, Dew had just stepped out.
Almost all the staff looked at my wife with a sympathetic eye and tried to hide something while talking with her.
She seemed to have got some hint.
She gently smiled at my subordinates.
But I read some hurt in her eyes.

Once again, Dew said to me, Divorce her, O.K.? Then we live together.
I nodded.
I knew I could not hesitate any more.
When my wife served the last dish, I held her hand.
I 've got something to tell you, I said.

She sat down and ate quietly.
Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn' t know how to open my mouth.
But I had to let her know what I was thinking.
I want to divorce.

I raised a serious topic calmly.
She didn t seem to be much annoyed by my words,
instead she asked me softly, why? I'm serious.

I avoided her question. This so-called answer turned her angry.
She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man!

At that night, we didn t talk to each other.
She was weeping.
I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage.
But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer, because my heart had gone to Dew.

With a deep sense of guilt,
I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces.
I felt a pain in my heart.
The woman who had been living ten years with me would become a stranger one day.

But I could not take back what I had said.
Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see.

To me her cry was actually a kind of release.
The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer.

A late night, I came back home after entertaining my clients.
I saw her writing something at the table. I fell asleep fast.
When I woke up, I found she was still there.

I turned over and was asleep again.
She brought up her divorce conditions: she didnt want anything from me,
but I was supposed to give her one month's time before divorce, and in the month's time we must live as normal life as possible.

Her reason was simple: our son would finish his summer vacation a month later
and she didnt want him to see our marriage was broken.

She passed me the agreement she drafted,
and then asked me,
Do you still remember how I entered our bridal room on the wedding day?

This question suddenly brought back all those wonderful memories to me.
I nodded and said, I remember .

You carried me in your arms, she continued,
so, I have a requirement, that is, you carry me out in your arms on the day when we divorce.

From now to the end of this month, you must carry me out from the bedroom to the door every morning.
I accepted with a smile.
I knew she missed those sweet days and wished to end her marriage with a romantic form.

I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions.
She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd.
No matter what tricks she does, she has to face the result of divorce, she said scornfully.

Her words more or less made me feel uncomfortable.
My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed.
We even treated each other as a stranger.
So when I carried her out for the first day, we both appeared clumsy.
Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms.
His words brought me a sense of pain.
From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms.

She closed her eyes and said softly, Let us start from today, don t tell our son.
I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door.
She went to wait for bus, I drove to office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest.
We were so close that I could smell the fragrance of her blouse.
I realized that I hadn' t looked at this intimate woman carefully for a long time.
I found she was not young any more.
There were some fine wrinkles on her face.

On the third day, she whispered to me, The outside garden is being demolished.
Be careful when you pass there.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up,
I seemed to feel that we were still an intimate couple and I was holding my sweetheart in my arms. The visualization of Dew became more vague.

On the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me something, such as, where she put the ironed shirts, I should be careful while cooking, etc.
I nodded.
The sense of intimacy was even stronger.

I didn t tell Dew about this. I felt it was easier to carry her.
Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. I said to her,
It seems not difficult to carry you now.

She was picking her dresses. I was waiting to carry her out.
She tried quite a few but could not find a suitable one.
Then she sighed, All my dresses have grown fatter.
I smiled.
But I suddenly realized that it was because she was thinner that I could carry her more easily, not because I was stronger.
I knew she had buried all the bitterness in her heart.
Again, I felt a sense of pain.
Subconsciously I reached out a hand to touch her head.

Our son came in at the moment.
Dad, it's time to carry mum out. He said.
To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had been an essential part of his life.

She gestured our son to come closer and hugged him tightly.
I turned my face because I was afraid I would change my mind at the last minute.
I held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway.
Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally.
I held her body tightly, as if we came back to our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad.

On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step.
Our son had gone to school.
She said, Actually I hope you will hold me in your arms until we are old.
I held her tightly and said, Both you and I didn t notice that our life was lack of such intimacy.

I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door.
I was afraid any delay would make me change my decision.
I walked upstairs.
Dew opened the door.

I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I won't divorce. I'm serious.
She looked at me, astonished.

Then she touched my forehead.
You got no fever. She said.

I moved her hand off my head.
Sorry, Dew, I said, I can only say sorry to you, I wont divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of life, not because we didn't love each other any more.
Now I understand that since I carried her into the home, she gave birth to our child, I am supposed to hold her until I am old.
So I have to say sorry to you.

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up.
She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears.
I walked downstairs and drove to the office.
When I passed the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet for my wife which was her favourite.

The salesgirl asked me to write the greeting words on the card.
I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until we are old.

sigh.
this is so sweet. (:

sigggh.
now i realised i'm screwed again.

anyway, was feeling miserable yet again last night.
for a lot of stuffs.
but again, it doesn't matter.
misery only starts at night.

and i'm having headaches now.
sighh.

and i just encoutered another problem.
urgh.
this sucks bigg time.
i don't know how to solve it.
*scratches head*

anyway,
i'm so so so messed up.
sigh.

going to shenton way for work training later.
and and, i got 30 bucks for allowance from the camp.
whee. (:

but it doesn't make me uber happy,
but still... it's nice.
and i think i won't be able to get CIP pts from the scouts camp.
urgh.

but it's okays lah.
shall go write a proposal next time then.
just that i dunoe how to write.
hurmpf.
manjusri never teach!

sigh.
today sucks bigg time.

so spastic.
physically dragged myself outta bed today.
supposed to wake up at 7.30. heh.
and while struggling to get outta bed,
i happily stretched my limpy legs.
and the next second,
i had a cramp at my left leg!
urgh.

it sucks.

went to school for true hearts session then.
rather bored and guilty as i watched the db girls do their training.
bored as in, i was really sleepy so i can't be bothered with the on-going games.
and my group won the captain ball competition. (:
then we went to play some those action games.
sheesh.
my acting and yin bian neng li, really deproved a lot.

i think the only fun part was the dirty games,
as in we get to pour flour, water and eggs at people.
heh.
the girls bullied me and i retaliated. (:
quite fun lah. (:

went home and had a hard time taking out my lens.
and fuck!
my left contact len broke into two.
shitty.
it's my only lens left and i need them for work tml!
fuck fuck fuck.
it's really sickening.
today really suck.

and i saw cheng wei today
haha. hur hur.

the best thing that happened today was that i GOT TO SEE JENNIFER!
damn happy to see my dearie! (:
i missed her presence soo soo much. (:
and today's the j2's prom night.

jaren dun wanna help me take photos.
but it's alright.
i understand, it's not very pleasant to take photos with someone you loathe.
hur hur. :P

but it's okay,
i got jennifer to fall back on.
yay jennifer!
go jennifer! (:

on yesterday,
went sentosa with my gang.
yay. and the sun won't come out.
saw alex and dexter ah.
okay lah, not that interested in them.
took a lot of photos and it rained.
sucks.

sat on the monorail for 1 round and i fell asleep,
only to see that the girls laughing at me when i open my eyes.
heh.
do i really look so funny, asleep?

walked around habourfront then.
they ate sushi while my tummy rumbled.
heh. =_-
met the people in marina bay then.
it's supposed to be a class outing.
but only 17 people turned out.

aya, kinda expected.
ate and ate and ate.
very shuang! (:
wei tai refused to peel prawns for me,
unlike ahmad. heh.
(that's why i like ahmad a lot!)

in the end, amanda peeled the prawns and we ate lah.
yun sheng came when 1/2 of the people left.
and he dun wanna drink my soup! =(
then went home with the people.
i slapped kennie gently a few times lah on the train,
in return, my face got touched by his dirty fingers, resulting in pimples.
urgh.
stupid kennie.

aya, my gang made me happy by 'sending' me all the way to simei.
so i'm the first person to reach home instead of them.
yay.

i love my people.

and today still sucks.
intended to go watch the incredibles alone.
but i think i just give it a miss and save myself some loneliness and money,
so that i can buy my contact lens.
HEH.